It’s that time of year again. For most, the fall weather carries with it what has been deemed “hoodie season,” but for us Binghamtonians, fall weather makes nipples harden and causes widespread penis shrinkage. It’s a time when we wish we applied to the University of Miami, invested in new gloves … and again, wish we applied to UMiami as we head to our 8 a.m. classes in what feels like a cold, dark and many times, damp dystopia unbeknownst to the outside world.
With that being said, let’s look at all the great goodies winter has to offer us in Binghamton!
Hot Sweaty Basement Frat Parties
Ahhh yes, who doesn’t love a fungi-ridden basement littered with year-old red solos?
Can’t you smell it? The deadly combination of jungle juice, black mold, computer science majors and the vomit of the freshman who just started drinking? Just remember, we were all once that freshman. Good times, good times …
There are two types of people in this world — those who love the Rat and those who despise the mere fact of its existence. I’ve seen the closest of friends lose contact permanently after spending weekend after weekend apart. While in reality, Jimmy’s, Tom’s and other hot destinations Downtown are only a mere 100 feet away at most, it often feels like the Rat resides in its own alternative universe.
Getting Uncomfortably Hot on the Bus
Do you like standing on a crowded bus? If you do, you’ll love it even more now that you are covered head to toe in three layers of winter apparel. The Alaskan chill of Binghamton quickly turns into the heat of the Sahara, as a thick layer of sweat starts to perspire on your forehead. In an effort to take off your jacket, you’ll either accidentally grope or punch someone. It’ll make you think it might be time to invest in a car … There’s a lot of supply, and demand is low, and a used car paid for in cash is a good investment. Although the price of gas may rise and the Feds keeps raising interest rates … I’ve given this a lot of thought.
Laying in Bed a Couple of Hours Longer Than You Probably Should
It’s a cold Tuesday morning. As you attempt to escape your bed, your bare skin makes contact with the cold and unforgiving temperature of your room. Unable to fight the surrounding climate, you bury yourself deeper under the blanket and sheets. Five minutes turn into 30, which turns into an hour — soon to two — which in turn, turns you into a lazy, unproductive member of society. That 8:30 a.m. class you were supposed to get up for is dismissed before you finally brush your teeth. The best part? You don’t regret it one bit.
Talking About How Cold It Is
There is nothing Binghamtonians love more than complaining about the weather. It’s the common enemy that brings us together, which, weirdly, makes it our friend. It keeps us on our toes, gives us an excuse when we don’t want to go out and makes our morning coffee slap so much harder. Winter is here, and let’s make sure not to waste it hibernating.
Eli Klein is a senior majoring in political science.