Michael Phelps proved to the world that he was at the peak of human conditioning by swimming 17 races in nine days and winning gold in all eight of his events during the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. However, he is viewed as just another pothead at the moment. On Sunday, a British tabloid, News of the World, released a cover photo of Michael Phelps taking a hit out of a Roor bong, which has caused parents, athletes and fans to voice their outrage. Print media has weighed in with their opinions by using clever headlines, such as “Has Michael puffed up his image,” or, “Phelps’s Tokin’ Effort.” It seems the whole incident has been blown out of proportion. However, let us take some time to investigate before we put him down as a slacking stoner who will be bound to his parents’ basement until his mid-40s.
The photo was taken at a house party at the University of South Carolina. I assume everyone who is reading this knows what goes on during a college house party. Kegs provide the alcohol flow while music helps take the edge off making small talk and private bedrooms accommodate those who want to get a little more intimate with one another. If you don’t think illicit drugs are present at such a party, then you are more naive than a 10-year-old boy at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo (best birthday present ever!). Phelps was probably handed the customized German-made Roor “Bong 3.2,” which costs $143 (you would think he could afford the $328 Roor “Bong 7.0” … cheapskate), by a peer and subsequently told to “Smoke that shit!” Phelps, who is not used to letting people down, probably took an enormous hit due to his ridiculously high lung capacity and got so high he ate 12,000 calories worth of food. Munchies can do that to you.
Of course, the real issue is that Michael Phelps is an important role model to teenagers across the country and his decision to smoke marijuana may influence his fans. Parents are now worried that their precious children will be subjected to marijuana instead of becoming normal young adults and getting wasted on alcohol every weekend. I find it humorous that a single photo can potentially ruin an athlete’s reputation because people are worried what effect it may have on their children. The man just broke numerous Olympic records and he can’t even enjoy a toke without someone taking a picture and sending it to a British tabloid (so we’re outsourcing gossip now too?). Marijuana is known for its relaxation effects and Phelps definitely needed to take the edge off somehow. I’m actually glad he resorted to marijuana instead of subjecting himself to another drug, such as cocaine or heroin, or worse … making more commercials. Seriously, dude, stop making commercials. Please, just stop.
Personally, I find the photo inspiring for stoners and potheads everywhere. Phelps has raised the bar for people who smoke weed. When an eight-time Olympic gold medalist enjoys the pleasant, smooth and earthy flavor of marijuana (I’m only guessing … ), it makes your high score in Guitar Hero seem pretty pointless. In fact, Phelps has inspired me to train for the London 2012 Olympic Games. I consider myself a natural swimmer. I could swim for up to five miles before I would drown. I can also match the speed of a three-day-old baby dolphin while under water. However, if I were under the influence of marijuana, I would have trouble just finding the pool, let alone getting in it. If evidence should surface that Phelps was smoking weed before his swimming events in Beijing, his medals should not be taken away, but he should be awarded an additional eight medals for impairing himself before competing. If you haven’t already guessed, I do not find the photo to be incriminating at all. I personally think it’s liberating to know that even Olympic athletes can’t resist the organic love of good old Mary Jane. Screw carpe diem; let’s enjoy life with another phrase. Live high.