An inside source, who asked to remain anonymous and also wanted to give a shout-out to Natalie in cubicle 420 C, has confirmed that state government officials sniff the tips of Sharpie markers during conference meetings. The source also revealed that aside from their usual routine of ignoring senior citizens and relocating homeless people, local politicians are looking to continue their efforts in the war against drugs.
Gov. Eliot Spitzer, who looks like the illegitimate love child of John Kerry and a chimpanzee, wants New York to join the likes of Tennessee, North Carolina and 27 other states that have already approved the taxation of illegal substances such as marijuana, cocaine and moonshine. Tennessee has been taxing illegal drugs since 2004 and has made over $3.5 million, 75 percent of which goes to local law enforcement agencies. In 2005, Tennessee’s Department of Revenue assessed a $1.1 million fine to Jeremy Rogers for trafficking 2 tons of marijuana from Arizona to Tennessee (why would he get his weed from Arizona?). The reason was because he failed to comply with the state’s Unauthorized Substances Tax. Jail time and criminal fines were given separately.
The Unauthorized Substances Tax is simple. It allows drug dealers to anonymously purchase stamps in person (they may know what you look like, but at least they don’t know your name) from the Department of Revenue based on the type and weight of their drugs of choice. The taxes are $3.50 for 1 gram of marijuana and $50 for 1 gram of cocaine. Possessing marijuana or cocaine is still illegal and anyone found with such substances is still subjected to the penal system.
Luckily, the drug dealers are not alone in defending their business of providing mind-altering drugs to college students and middle-aged office workers. ‘It’s just a veiled attempt by the government to get these guys to come in and incriminate themselves for possessing drugs,’√ù said Jonathan A. Smart, an attorney of someone who was arrested with ‘special Rice Krispies Treats.’
North Carolina levied their taxes on illegal substances so high that a federal appeals court ruled that the state unconstitutionally penalized drug dealers twice for the same crime: once with jail and once with the tax, which violates the double jeopardy law. It’s pretty bad that a federal court has to be the one to tell you that you’re unconstitutional.
It is certainly one way for state governments to make money and with New York state’s $4.4 billion deficit, no wonder Gov. Spitzer is pushing for it. Mr. Spitzer’s aides say that it can provide extra revenue of $17 million a year.
These state governments can’t have it both ways. They should either make illegal drugs legal and then tax them, or keep them illegal and tax free. These 29 state governments want you to know that certain drugs are illegal, but if you buy it anyway, they want a cut. A big cut. A cut big enough for their governors to get that second summer home in Florida (possibly retirement investment).
Don’t these governors know that having a tax on illegal drugs means the terrorists win? Are our politicians so money-hungry, they have resorted to taking money from criminals? This is idiocy at its best. If not even drug dealers are safe from taxes, there’s no escape for anyone. I have an idea of who’s next on the list for taxation: nuns. Those outfits aren’t free (but still are sexy), ladies.
Screw democracy, I’m going to go live with penguins. They trade with fish, don’t believe in taxes and plus they have great fashion sense. Wait a minute, I’m allergic to fish. Damn you bureaucracy, you win again.