Sexual education, whether in schools or other forums, looks different everywhere. Though not widely addressed when discussing sexuality more generally, understanding the relationships between disability and sexuality is a vital element of sexual education and awareness, according to Carlee Beyer, a sex therapist at a Utah clinic called The Healing Group.

Beyer, who spoke at a Disabled Student Union event in November at Binghamton University, said her specialty is working with people with disabilities. She added that a unique aspect of her work is that any person can become disabled at any time and that the likelihood increases with age.

In 2023, CNBC reported that 13 percent of Americans have a disability, though Beyer said statistics like these often do not consider neurodivergent people or those with chronic illnesses. The disabled population as a whole, Beyer added, is very underrepresented, and when it comes to discussions of sexuality, it’s no different.

“And I think a really damning thought with it is that if someone is disabled, then they are asexual or they don’t have sex lives, or the worst one is that they aren’t a sexually desirable partner,” Beyer said in an interview with Pipe Dream. “And frankly both of those things are bullshit. And so when you know better, you do better, and that’s why we need to talk about it.”

Addressing the biggest misconceptions about the relationship between disability and sexuality, Beyer said the definition of sex needs to be expanded.

Sex toys, in particular, are not always accessible, posing potential difficulties for those with mobility or dexterity differences, Beyer said. Remote-controlled options with bigger buttons or reviewing videos from sex shops online can be beneficial for coming up with solutions to these challenges.

To better educate themselves on the intersections between disability and sexuality, Beyer recommended that young people explore online creators who specialize in these topics. But the most important thing, she said, is simply to talk about it.

“’What do you like, what do you not like, what do you need? What could make this a better experience for both of us?’” Beyer said. “It sounds really vulnerable and hard and scary, and vulnerability is really sexy. Communication is really sexy, and it makes it better for all parties involved.”

Through her work at The Healing Group, Beyer builds trust with her clients by listening to their mindset and catering to their individual needs, she said. She highlighted her tendency to self-disclose her own neurodivergence with her clients in an effort to model these channels of communication.

The clinic was founded in 2009 “to provide essential support for mothers, partners, family members, and concerned friends seeking help with mental health challenges.” Its specialties became even more diverse in 2012 to include couples counseling, sexual health and reproductive mental health.

Having grown up in Utah, Beyer said she was accustomed to sex being referred to in a negative light. Knowing that she wanted to become a therapist, she became curious about these ideas and later followed a sex therapist on Instagram before realizing that was the field she wanted to pursue.

In the fall, Beyer spoke over Zoom at a Disabled Student Union event called “Disability and Sex.” Janmariz, the organization’s president and a junior majoring in human development, emphasized the importance of inclusivity in education.

“To be educated on disabled sexuality is simply to be inclusive,” they wrote to Pipe Dream. “While also combating the infantilization of disabled individuals and preparing students to at least have an awareness on the fluidity and adaptivity of sex as students never know when they might enter or may be interested in pursuing relations with a disabled partner who may require specific accommodations for safe sex and pleasure, as everyone else does too.”

In addition to noticing the traditionally accepted idea that people with disabilities may be asexual, they said they have witnessed disabled people be oversexualized. Despite the many people with disabilities experiencing feelings of isolation, they said it is strange to believe disabled individuals would be hypersexual or “long for the externalization of their ‘hidden or deep desires.’”

“Disabled people, like all people, experience sexuality on an ever changing spectrum,” they wrote. “We don’t only exist in the extremes.”

The organization’s E-Board said that they strive to establish a safe space for people to discuss any issues and their relationships with disability. They mentioned their meeting with Beyer, praising the overview she provided for them and how she answered their questions.

A 2023 USA Today article found that five states require inclusive sex education for people with disabilities, two have optional resources, and 36 states do not mandate sex education for those with disabilities in any form.

Daisy Dimatos, DSU’s vice president and a junior majoring in business administration, said that one way public institutions like BU can support their students and make this information more widely available is to better normalize these conversations.

“When the topic of sex comes up, include disability and adaptive sex practices!” Dimatos wrote. “At University events about sexual safety and well-being, mention disability — because disabled people have sex, and it’s important that people can learn about it in order to be safe and feel supported.”