At the dawn of this new year, resolve not to lose weight, be responsible or relinquish impure thoughts. Instead, plan on saving money. You, the reader, have a lot of really cool things to save up for. This year there are neat gadgets galore. Seriously, they abound whither and thither, to and fro.

Release has compiled a list of some of the most awesome of offerings from the world of tech.

Whether you’re bored, taking a course offered by Adjunct Lecturer Kenny Christianson or are just plain addicted to TV, this is the product for you. Verizon’s V Cast Mobile TV.

This item, which is slated to launch in late March will offer eight channels, including CBS, NBC, MTV, Fox, and ESPN, according to CNET.com. At 30 frames per minute, the video quality matches that of a standard TV, and most programs will be available at the same time as they would be on normal TV. So you’ll never have to miss “Engaged and Underage” or “Nanny 911.”

Musical condoms: Rock ‘n’ roll for rockin’ and rollin’

Finally, it’s here! The one thing consenting adults have been waiting for. Ondo Creations Ltd realized that people were tired of dealing with the age-old question of what music to play while swerving, so they’ve come up with a solution. Condoms that come packaged with a CD!

However, be warned marathoners, each soundtrack is approximately 18 minutes long. Practitioners of the tantric arts need not apply.

If cell phone TVs are not your thing, but you still can’t do without “I Love New York,” check out the Sony VAIO TP1 Living Room PC. Perhaps the most aesthetically pleasing computer yet, the new VAIO is built to be connected to your TV. Complete with 2GB of 667MHz DDR2 SDRAM and 300GB of storage space. You can record your favorite shows directly onto your computer. That means you won’t have to fork over $40 if you want to re-watch last season.

Tired of vagabonds and rapscallions using your computer without permission? Then consider the Fujitsu PalmSecure. Get this, the PalmSecure, which connects to your computer via USB, uses a Vein Pattern Authentication System to determine your palm from everyone else’s. You just wave your palm over the device, and it grants access to your computer (and therefore your collection of erotic short stories) to you and only you.

You’re a high-tech mobile denizen of the 21st century. You’ve got a cell phone, laptop, PDA, mobile TV and even a COITUM 3000 (Compulsory Oral and Intercourse Tool with Undulating Mechanisms) … but how can you possibly plug all those gadgets in!? That’s where the WildCharge comes into play. The WildCharge sports a metallic pad that serves as a universal charger for most portable devices. Just place your gadgets on the WildCharge’s flat service and voila.

Last but not least is what might possibly be the coolest thing ever made, the iPhone. Complete with MacOSX and Cingular connectivity, the iPhone is basically a little computer that makes calls. The device, which also works as an iPod comes with either 4 or 8GB of space, Among other cool features, the iPhone has a proximity sensor that automatically shuts off its touch-screen interface when the phone is held up to your ear in order to prevent face-dialing.

Now that you know all the neat do-dads that are about to hit stores in the greater-Vestal area, it’s time to get a job so you can be ready to purchase them. So turn off your COITUM 3000, wait for it to stop undulating (if you’re injured, you can’t work), and go hit the help wanted ads!