“I’m too scared to eat in the dining hall alone.”
That is a sentiment many college students share, especially those at the beginning of their journey.
It’s easy to see why: you are in a chaotic environment surrounded by countless unfamiliar faces, where you feel as if your every move is being watched. Many other students, even your fellow freshmen, sit in groups laughing together while enjoying their meal. Finding a table to eat alone can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, like you’re missing out on something.
This fear of being alone transcends the confines of the dining hall and extends to other areas of college life. It can be scary to go to a club meeting without knowing anyone. It can be intimidating to work out in a gym filled with unfamiliar faces. These fears only seem to intensify when you look around and see others doing the same thing, but with company.
Being alone is one of the biggest challenges a new student faces. Through this column, I hope to share some helpful insights I’ve discovered to help you find solitude in those moments alone rather than loneliness. And like me, you may come to enjoy the meals in the dining hall alone, instead of dreading them.
In my first few weeks as a freshman, I started to panic internally, as so many of my peers had seemed to have found their “friend group.”
I found myself wondering, “Am I doing something wrong? Is it too late? Will I ever find my people?”
But the truth is, everyone is different. You have probably heard this saying before, but in this situation, it’s very true. Friend groups don’t have a specific deadline to meet. Some may come about quicker than others, and some take time to find. It can be frustrating to see so many people around you who seem to have “found their people” while you haven’t, but be patient. Seek out clubs that interest you. Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to the person who sits next to you in class. It might take longer than you want, but after all, as the saying goes, good things take time, and with patience, you can find some great people.
Friend groups also look different from those in high school. I’ve noticed the friendships you make in college tend to be more “fluid” than in high school. What I mean by this is that rather than having one all-consuming group that bleeds into multiple facets of your life, college friendships tend to be more compartmentalized. You may have friends from your floor, friends from your class and friends from a club, all of whom are independent of each other. Letting go of the traditional expectation of friendship and friend groups is an important part of adapting.
Even with the new friends you make, sometimes you have to do things alone. Schedules don’t always line up. Clubs meet at different times. While it is nice to do things with others, sometimes that simply isn’t an option. For many, it can be a cause for panic and anxiety, leading to a place of loneliness. But this is not the only way. Being alone can be an opportunity to experience solitude. But how can you get there?
It all starts in your mind.
You must acknowledge that being alone is something all college students face. You are not alone in being alone.
The evidence can seem to be the opposite, with places like the dining hall always full of groups of friends. But everyone experiences a time when they must eat alone. You are not being judged for being alone because it is something everyone does as a college student. Once you accept this reality, you can then become content with it.
Place your focus elsewhere. When going to the dining hall alone, it’s easy to dwell on the fact that you came without friends. First, realize that as much as it may feel like it, all eyes are not on you. To get over this anxiety, put your mind on something else. Find the meal that best pleases your taste buds. Choose the seat with the best view of campus. Put on your headphones and listen to your favorite music. Instead of focusing your attention on the fact of your solitude, direct it toward things that make the experience enjoyable. Don’t depend on being with others to have a good time.
We are our own best friends. There is no one in the world you know better than yourself. Use time alone to embrace this. See it as an opportunity rather than a misfortune, one that will allow you immense personal growth.
Embrace the uncomfortable. We live in a society of constant stimulation, always seeking to find an escape from boredom, noise to avoid the silence. Because of this, we seldom have time alone with our own thoughts. How can we better know ourselves if we don’t give ourselves the time to do so? Being alone allows you to think deeply and get to know yourself better.
This silence can also allow you to get ahead. It can give you a step away from all the chaos and noise, allowing you to properly prepare yourself for a productive week. You can craft a study plan or decide which club meetings you want to attend. Time is precious as a college student, and some alone might give you the space to decide how to make the most of it.
Use the time to explore your interests. Listen to a podcast about your favorite niche historical topic. Write a poem or draw something with no expectations. Pick up a new hobby. The options are endless, and you are not confined to one. Being alone allows you to explore, strengthening the interests you already have and helping you discover the new.
Viewing time as freeing rather than confining is a valuable mindset to hold as a college student. You can’t avoid being alone, but you can prepare yourself so that the experience is enjoyable instead of painful.
Kayla Cloherty is a sophomore majoring in history.
Views expressed in the opinions pages represent the opinions of the columnists. The only piece that represents the view of the Pipe Dream Editorial Board is the staff editorial.