I never expected to come to Binghamton, but I did. It just seemed so in the middle of nowhere. And it is. I never expected to fall in love with it, but I did.

I never expected that I would become a community president, but I did.

I never expected to become a manager of a dining hall, but I did. I never expected to enjoy it. But, in some twisted way, I did.

I never expected to come out of the closet, but I did. I never expected that people would be so supportive, but they have been. I never expected to write about it publicly, but I did. Twice. (I guess this is No. 3).

I never expected to join Pipe Dream, yet here I am. I never expected, nor even really wanted, to become editor-in-chief, but I did. I joined Pipe Dream hoping to learn Photoshop and InDesign, and I fell in love. I never expected that anything I published would ever effect change, but several things did. I actually did expect to receive hate mail, and boy did I. But I never expected to receive so much positive feedback too. Yet I did.

Now it’s cliché time: College is about what you don’t expect. No regrets.


It wouldn’t be a senior column without some acknowledgements and last jabs.

I would like to thank my parents. I know I haven’t spoken to you guys in over a month and have been ignoring your phone calls, text messages and emails but I couldn’t have reached graduation without you.

Thank you to grandma and grandpa (z”l) for helping me out with tuition. Grandpa, you were the smartest person I knew, and the world lost a great person and a great scholar. I hope I can accomplish at least half of what you accomplished. Grandma, stay strong.

Thank you to everyone I’ve worked with at Pipe Dream. Most of you are some of the smartest people I know. Thank you for allowing me to work with you and accepting me as your editor-in-chief. I know I didn’t really deserve it. My three last requests are that you devote an issue next semester to mental health on campus, that you drive student turnout in the Binghamton mayoral elections and that you feel free to ignore the previous two requests.

Thank you to the Slonims for providing a home away from home. Cooking on Thursday was often the highlight of my week.

Thank you to everyone I’ve lived with for the last four years for putting up with me, my weird habits and my quirky sleep schedule.

To President Stenger: You are visible on campus and make a genuine effort to get to know students. But that’s not all there is to being a great president. The University is growing. That might be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing. Find a way to reduce class sizes and raise our ranking back to where it should be. Lean on the departments to truly challenge students, not just give out grades and diplomas. Lois DeFleur increased our endowment, our rankings, our reputation and made campus a pleasant place to be. What will you do? Listen to the Committee for the University Environment when pursuing any future landscaping or construction. They exist for a reason. And when it’s time to rebuild the next set of dorm communities, please refer to the Colville Report before you make any decisions. It was an honor to get to know you, and I have high hopes. Also, I’m sorry for being out of salmon that one time.

To Sodexo: My employment with you defined a significant portion of my college career. There were several times I should have just walked out (none the least after you laid me off after repeatedly assuring me I’d have a job), but I truly enjoyed being able to serve the students. My advice to Sodexo’s management and to the University would be to curb waste, provide more comprehensive training, screen employees better and find a way to ditch the union, which protects bad employees and hurts the good ones. I also think that there are many people who have to go. Jim, Jon and Pawel are generally useless and have become complacent. They don’t care about their customers or their employees. The entire marketing department is useless. The Twitter account is a joke and the signage, when it is even existent or accurate, is ugly as fuck. They don’t know what students actually care about and leave it to the units to clean up their messes. But I guess we can’t really expect anything when the district marketing manager’s LinkedIn page is rife with typos and grammatical errors.

Sunil, thank you for taking a chance on me when no one else would. You deserve better.

Thank you to Professor Krasno for practically granting me my political science degree.

Thank you to Professor Henkel for restoring my love of literature and reminding me why I became an English major in the first place. Libby Tucker, the entire department has a lot to learn from him.

Ethan, Mikey, Steven, Ariel, Sami, Shiran and Rachel: Hi.

Jimothy, you’re old, no one likes you and you smel—I mean … you were honestly the best news editor I could have been stuck with. I lucked out that you agreed to take the job after I accidentally … well, you know the story. I’ve been able to lean on you (literally) and ask you for advice. I am happy to consider you a great friend.

And finally, to my office wife/life partner, Jules, we are never ever ever getting back together (like ever).