Having a tough week or two, fellow Bearcats? Wrote a paper more worthy of a dumpster than it is for handing in to your history professor? Got beer spilled all over you on your last trip to State Street? Or maybe you even got dumped by the love of your life this week? Well, we’re here to remind you that you still have something to be thankful for: most of you don’t live in Oneida Hall.

Yeah, it seems College-in-the-Woods’ Oneida isn’t the best place to be living these days (see Page 1). From what we hear, there’s no cold water on some of the floors. Those poor kids over there are showering in water that may well be hot enough to burn the prints right off their fingers. But at least their skin will keep that wounded-pink glow even after the Broome County winter has set in and the rest of us are pasty white.

Good thing most of us don’t live in Oneida. Then again, maybe you live in Dickinson Community and have to share one shower with about 25 fellow students. That’s what the residents of Champlain Hall had to do last year when one of the showers broke down and wasn’t fixed for … well … we still don’t know if it’s been fixed (drop a line to pdop@bpipedream.com and let us know).

Whew! Good thing we don’t live in CIW or Dickinson. We’d be sitting on our floors (lots of missing suite furniture, as we reported last week), either staring at our dirty skin or the red splotches where skin had been prior to our nice hot shower.

While we’re thinking about it, we should probably be pretty glad we don’t live in Newing College either. The windows break pretty easily, and then we’d have to give some of our hard-earned money to Residential Life to fix them when all we wanted was a little fresh air. Plus, we have it on good authority it’s taken days to get a puddle of vomit in a Newing hallway to be cleaned. Thank Lois we don’t live with the vomit!

Yeah, we guess it’s pretty great we can all live in Mountainview College. The rooms are so large and full of furniture, and doesn’t it just give you a warm fuzzy feeling when that doorman in white gloves opens your door and carries your books in for you? Not to mention the fact that when Facilities comes in and cleans our bathrooms so regularly, they always leave a nice mint on our pillow for us.

What? What do you mean you don’t all live in Mountainview? You’re not all pampered like we are? You say there’s not room for all of BU to live in Mountainview and most of you have to live with the unspeakable horrors we just spoke of?! Oh, great Caesar’s ghost, it’s too much for us to handle!

Well, you know what this means, don’t you Res Life? You’d better start on those planned renovations of Newing and Dickinson soon, and get a move on fixing up all the problems with CIW. And we’d love to see that computerized system you were talking about setting up come to fruition, because we can’t all live in Mountainview, right?