College students are often urged to act responsibly when drinking and to “know their limits,” but what’s so fun about that? College is not about limits, it’s about contests with your roommate to see who can do more shots in five minutes and chase those shots with cheap beer.
In all seriousness, though, there is a right way and a wrong way to drink. And those getting a premier public-ivy education should at least be able to tell the difference. If you are past your limit, these six activities are not advised.
1. Drunk Facebook statuses
The last thing you want your 608 friends to know is what’s on your mind after returning from State Street at 3 a.m. Waking up to 12 likes on your “Annazing ngright at NTom adns Martnues” or “I luveeeeeove CoLLLDIEgejge” is never charming. Alcohol-related statuses are even worse — for instance, the always-treasured “I foudn theh kesytone lgihgt at theh end of th tunnel” status or the ever-classy “Iam Nbever drninking agiann.”
2. Calling your mother
If your mom wants to know how your anthropology midterm went, calling at 3 a.m. while inebriated and crying is not the best idea. Parents are most likely aware that you drink, but they don’t need to experience it firsthand.
3. Getting sick in the cab
This is a cardinal rule of going Downtown: don’t puke in the cab. Either find a bag or stick your head out the window. Getting sick in a taxi is expensive, and you’ll be down a cab driver who would otherwise be happy to pick you up next time.
4. V-Chatting old friends
Remember those old friends whose screen names are still registered in your iChat? When you’re intoxicated, don’t forget that you aren’t really friends with them anymore. Not only are drunken video chats risky as to whom you invite, but you also run the risk of the conversation being recorded.
5. Going home with a guy
You wake up. Where am I? Who is that? Why am I wearing a frat sweatshirt? If these are familiar questions, you’re breaking rule No. 5: Don’t ditch your friends for a random guy if you’re drunk. He may be hot and he may be buying you drinks, but not having a few extra vodka-cranberries is worth still having your dignity. Maybe this is an overexaggeration, but it has happened. If you want to be intimate with someone, do your dirty work at the bar or when sober. Anything in-between is usually a bad idea.
6. Talking to cops
Drinking and the police are never a good combination. Whether you see a cop car on the street or an officer by the bars, leave him/her alone. It’s never smart to tell the popo how your night is going or brag about who you know with a fake ID.