With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, a lot of people may begin to reflect back on past relationships. Thinking about what went wrong, if it could have been prevented and how things are different now could lead you to call your ex and see how they’re doing.
A major dilemma when it comes to dealing with a breakup, though, is whether to keep in contact with your ex-lover or to sever all ties completely, making it easier for you to get over him/her.
Michael Callery, a junior majoring in management, believes you can be friends with an ex.
“Chances are you have similar interests to someone you date, and maintaining contact makes things less awkward if you would meet up during an activity you both enjoy, or if you have to work together in a class you both like,” Callery said.
Zachary Hamel, a sophomore majoring in industrial and systems engineering, still talks to his ex-girlfriend, whom he dated for a year and a half.
“If you’re still talking to an ex on a regular basis, chances are there are underlying feelings there,” Hamel explained. “After breaking up, you are going to always have feelings for the person. You choosing whether or not to talk to them or not determines if you’re giving into those feelings.”
Daniel Cohen, an undeclared freshman, agreed.
“There is no such thing as being friends with an ex,” Cohen said. “[The] only case is when one ex wants to get back together, [although it] depends on the relationship, but usually no.”
While Hamel and Cohen’s claim may be true in some cases, Ilana Solomon, an undeclared freshman, believes it is possible to stay friends with an ex without there being ulterior motives.
“My ex-boyfriend and I were best friends before we dated,” Solomon said. “We were together for almost a year, and even though we had a messy breakup, we’re still really great friends today.”
Solomon believes if both you and your ex truly feel like the other is a significant part of your life, then it is possible to stay in contact and maintain a friendship.
“We both really valued each other’s friendship and didn’t want to lose that from our lives,” she explained.
Hamel and Solomon both still keep in contact with their exes, but that is not always the case with relationships. There are many situations in which it is best to stop talking to the person once you are no longer together.
Brea Oliver, a junior majoring in anthropology, recently broke up with her boyfriend of six years over winter break. Since then, the two do not talk and Oliver said it was for the best.
“I’ve tried to be friends with exes and it never works,” Oliver said. “If you are going to not be in a relationship anymore, then there is nothing else to speak about. When it’s done, it’s done, and you have to let it be that way.”
Leni Estevez, a sophomore majoring in economics, dated his ex-girlfriend for eight months. After constant arguing for the last three months of their relationship, Estevez broke up with her.
“She had said, ‘It’s not my fault; you know I was having a bad week’ … but it was a constant bad week, every week,” Estevez said.
Estevez is no longer in contact with his ex. He has blocked her on everything from Facebook to his cell phone.
How your breakup plays out and what the feelings are of the two involved determines whether a couple will continue to talk to each other once they have broken up. Valentine’s Day may stand as a reminder of the good times you once had with the individual, or it may make you realize your breakup with them was the best decision you ever made.