Last week, I learned a compilation of lessons.

I finally saw the infamous “Rachael Ray Show.” The horrors that ensued, with references to canines as “pooches,” along with that accent (that accent makes me want to chew foil), made me realize very rapidly that there will not be anymore Ray watching in the near future.

However, I did stumble upon a true gem — “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.” He’s like Conan, except he’s actually funny. That Scottish man makes my night, every night. It is on CBS at 12:35 a.m., and it will blow your mind.

And finally (perhaps most importantly), I think I might just have revolutionized dinner … by inventing a new recipe (specifically in the poultry department). The story begins when I decided to season a certain thin chicken breast, which ended up being a total of eight thin chicken breasts. I felt I might have over-salted the chicken, and no one wants over-salted chicken. Thus, I went through all the cabinets in hopes of fixing my little blunder, and voila — MAPLE SYRUP.

You might be thinking “Hmm, maaaaaaaple plus chicken? Ewww Nicole, that’s disgusting.” But reality check: you’re all fools, because my chicken turned out to be a delectable treat. So if you really want to impress someone (or just make yourself something completely scrumptious), ladies and/or gentlemen, here is the recipe:

– 8 pieces of thinly sliced chicken breasts (I like Perdue … but do what you will)

– Your favorite seasoning

– Some leftover bouillon

– Maple syrup

Season your chicken and slap it on an oiled pan. After one side has browned, turn it over. Then add some leftover soup to cover just a thin layer of the bottom of the pan (this will allow the chicken to get softer and adds more flavor). Then drizzle the syrup over the tops of the breasts, flip ‘em over, and do round two. Make sure the chicken is done. It should taste slightly sweet, slightly salty. Enjoy.

Nicole Zimmerman is a sophomore psychology major. She is not responsible for the sexual innuendos you find in this article.