Dearest Baxter,

Last night you became a Bear Mitzvah. In one night — and in only two hours — you said goodbye to years of innocence as a cub-kitten and became the roaring mascot that we know you to be in our heart of hearts.

First and foremost, and on behalf of your fellow Bearcats, Mazel Tov.

However, you must realize that with great power comes great responsibility. Whether or not you received your traditional Jewish garb at the conclusion of last night’s extravaganza, you must know that there are things you must now take more seriously and consider:

1. Now that you have perfected the hora in your own celebration, you should implement it in any Binghamton sports event, even if you’re out there doing it by yourself.

2. Your job is not an easy one. But now that you’re Jewish, there are more rules to abide by. 613, in fact.

Take this number, a prime benchmark in Judaism, and ponder its potential uses on the court. Here are two: The 613th fan to enter the Events Center gets an autographed siddur and a slice of gefilte fish. Or, when the game clock strikes 6:13, get the crowd to join you in a short Yiddish chant of “Chiri bim bam bim bam bim bam.”

Perhaps substitute “bim” and “bam” with “bear” and “cat.”

3. For some reason, “Coke and Pepsi” has remained in the standard Bar Mitzvah party’s repertoire. Let’s bring this to halftime, shall we?

4. Try to make it to more Shabbat dinners. We’ve missed you.

5. Choose a denomination, or, like some students in Binghamton, create your own. At this point, it’s a bit early for you to lead a service on the high holidays, but it’s an appropriate time to self-reflect and think about where you’d like to align yourself religiously. Will you be wise, rebellious, simple or silent?

6. Curb that diet and adhere to those Kosher laws. I’m not quite sure what a bearcat’s diet consists of, but remember, steer clear of shellfish and pig products. Those animals have to chew their cud and have split hooves. Can’t have one without the other.

It would also be wise for you to study the deep, and sometimes dark, history of your people. God’s message to Jews is to be fruitful and multiply, and although Jews have been through countless persecutions, our population on Earth has generally remained the same for the last millennium or two.

With that in mind, J-Date is a great website for the single Semite. It’s no secret, Baxter, you’ve got the looks, but Jewish girls value an educated man. But we’ll set aside the prospect of a nice, future Jewish bride-cat for now.

Yes, I know, you’re only 13, but this type of conversation usually pops up after the dancing at the Bar Mitzvah party gets a bit raunchy.

Baxter: May you be a light unto the mascots, and may you pass this tradition on from graduating class to graduating class.

I hope this brief guide gets your matzo balls rolling a bit. It isn’t every day a bearcat becomes a man, albeit a Jewish one.