As I’m sure other college seniors understand, the last few months have been extremely overwhelming and anxiety-inducing; being on the cusp of adulthood is exciting and horrific all at once. Preparing to apply to graduate programs and frantically trying to network makes you regret putting off updating your LinkedIn. The prospect of choice, the cliched oyster Earth opening up to reveal its shiny pearls, can feel like an unbearable weight pushing down on your chest. This is the moment you’ve been preparing for, theoretically.
You’ve worked hard, completed the perfect internships, made the right connections and joined the best clubs. It should be so simple; you apply to jobs or graduate school, hoping that, with a bit of luck, you’ll achieve your dreams, or at least get a little closer to them. You can go anywhere, do anything. Or so it seems. Unfortunately, deciding what to do after graduation is not so straightforward.
Students have commitments — such as relationships — that may take precedence over career aspirations. It’s not uncommon for college students to enter into serious relationships in college; when else are you going to be surrounded with so many “like-minded” people your age? A college relationship means unrestricted time with your partner who just lives down the hall. This idyllic period makes relationships seem so easy. Graduation sort of shatters that; after college it’s more complicated for couples to be in the same place without one making some sort of compromise.
There’s a bit of a stigma over choosing relationships over aspirations. I suppose I understand why: relationships can be finite, and at the end of the day all you really have is yourself, right? It’s also fair that if you forgo your dreams of teaching English in Thailand because your girlfriend landed a job at Goldman Sachs you could end up resenting her for “holding you back.” You also shouldn’t be guilting your partner to follow your footsteps and choose a less “ideal” path to be with you. However, I resent the notion that the career must always trump the relationship.
Happiness grows from a myriad of sources. Achieving career goals is a wise aspiration and provides satisfaction, but so does a loving relationship. While you’re struggling through law school, or working long hours at KPMG, there’s nothing more comforting than coming home to your partner. Social satisfaction can be just as, if not more, fulfilling than a job. In fact, a significant other is special and irreplaceable — jobs come and go and careers are flexible. While you shouldn’t significantly compromise your career for someone else, there shouldn’t be judgement either for adjusting your focus to compromise with your partner.
Beyond the fact that relationships can have a legitimate place in making decisions about the future, the narrow focus on the “perfect career” is a recipe for disappointment. It’s incredibly competitive for jobs and graduate schools in general, never mind the “dream” positions. While it’s great to pursue one’s aspirations it’s also unwise to place importance in only one aspect of a life that is multifaceted. One thing cannot make you happy — the same is true for relationships. Here, I’m advocating for a broader understanding of what should go into future decisions. No, I’m not “immature” or “obsessed with my boyfriend” because I consider him in my future plans, I’m just trying to reconcile the many directions I’m being pulled in.
College seniors: work hard, keep your options open and don’t be afraid to make choices commonly criticized.