Fetishes: we all have them. Each of us carries those sexual secrets hidden way deep in the back of our mental bottom dresser drawers. Still, some fetishes are stranger than others.

Some people think that you should be embarrassed by your fetish. I want to be the first to say: let your freak flag fly. It’s a crazy, weird world out there — why should we pretend to be any different?

People tend to think that fetishes stem from childhood trauma or some sort of negative experience that individuals fixate on as they get older. While that may be true for some people, it’s not the case for everyone with fetishes.

While there’s really no definite cause, usually fetishes take form because of a subconscious childhood obsession. Couldn’t walk until you were two? You might have a foot fetish from seeing all those feet for so long. Obsessed with “Sleeping Beauty?” Well maybe that explains why you think your partner’s a sexy sleeper.

The two fetishes I just mentioned, foot and sleep fetishes, are actually pretty mainstream. If you think I’m creepy for saying a sleep fetish is mainstream, I just want you to consider whether or not you’d be okay with being woken up to sex.

Being woken up to sex is actually a pretty light case of a sleep fetish (somnophilia for all you braniacs out there). While some extreme fetishes are admittedly hard to process, mild fetishes are extremely common.

There are some fetishes, however, that even in mild form are outside the norm. Remember how I said let your freak flag fly? Do it, but be careful whom you do it in front of.

First we have emetophilia: arousal by vomit. Two girls one cup anyone? Mild cases just involve seeing the act. In more extreme cases, someone might violently make themselves throw up. Fun fact: a Roman Shower involves vomiting on someone for sexual pleasure. If you’re interested in participating in something like this, don’t come to me. But I do recommend you check out State Street at 3 a.m. on the weekends.

There’s also taphephilia: sexual arousal from being buried alive. There are actually websites where you can sign up to be buried alive with a partner and get it on while others watch from computers. This, along with a lot of other “philias” have opposing “phobias.” For example, one of my greatest fears is taphephobia, fear of being buried alive.

Here’s one last fetish to wrap your mind around: dendrophilia, the love of trees. If someone is a tree hugger, that might be a mild expression of dendrophilia. Others take the next step to becoming tree humpers. While they may not necessarily want to make out with trees, they could have intense attractions to nature and want to have sex outside as much as possible. Exhibitionists, these could be your guys and gals.

Given the bizarreness of some of these fetishes, how can I say we all have them?

Fetishes get a bad rap. They’re really anything you like and don’t have to be sexual. You like blondes? There’s your fetish. Tall guys? You’ve got a fetish too.

Honestly, in this modern day and age, nothing would really shock me, and as long as you’re not getting hurt or hurting anyone else mentally or physically, I don’t see any issue with liking to give or get foot rubs a little more than what society says is normal. Incidentally, if you do in fact like giving foot rubs more than what society says is normal, feel free to hit me up any time.