There comes a point in any relationship, be it the first night meeting someone or after many wonderful months dating, when one’s curiosity naturally begins to perk up. Sure, putting your snake in her grass is exciting and all, but you wonder ‘ what about her back door?

Now, thanks to many years of biology lectures, religion classes or awkward sexual talks with your parents, you know that things are typically supposed to exit from your rear, rather than enter through the rear. But, whether your girl’s got a loosey goosey down under or you’re just looking for a bit more excitement and/or adventure in your sex life, you began to question whether you should take that one-way ticket on the Hershey Highway.

First off, there are varying view points on this issue and I will try my best to present them as fairly as possible. That being said, pondering about one’s playful poo-hole is perfectly natural, and you should be anything but ashamed of it. Don’t you think Adam pondered, ‘Man, would I like to go to Eve’s Brown Town!’ upon seeing his gal bend over? People have been wondering for centuries about the ‘dark side of the force’ and its ramifications. Do I get a running start? Do I get really drunk first to avoid pain or discomfort? There are many questions that must be answered!

Let’s be clear about a few things though:

1) It’s a dark and scary world out there, and you should have the utmost care when selecting whose butt to befriend, or conversely, whose anus to annihilate. I cannot even discuss this topic without mentioning that condom usage and plenty of lubricant are essential ingredients for your ‘Tour de Ass.’ The ass is anything but clean, and you certainly don’t want to take any risks with the dark side of her moon.

2) This should be a loving act between you and your partner, not an unpleasant way to show ‘who’s the boss.’ We all know Tony Danza’s the boss, but, more importantly, we know that this is an act that is best performed in extremely comfortable situations.

3) On that same note, an act involving the anus is one that requires two individuals (unless of course you’re extremely flexible), and for that reason, you must have a willing, caring partner. You should never pressure your girl just to get down in her Tushy Tinseltown.

4) If you do have a caring partner, though, word on the street says that things involving the anus can lead to potentially heightened orgasms. Be it a finger, your crotch rocket or straight-up ass beads, you can use various objects and/or appendages in your ‘push for her tush’ or your ‘pursuit for her poo-chute.’

So, whether you’re completely against implementing the tush and you fear her rear, or you’re an advocate for her ass and you’re all for stuffing her choco taco, handle this situation with care, lube and plenty of love. Only you and your partner will be able to ultimately decide what’s right for you and her anus.

‘ Jake Altman is a junior English and anthropology major, and if you’re in need of any anal advice, be sure to consult Bert and Ernie.