It seems hard for politicians lately to “keep the snake in the cage.” However, there is hope — a cure all: elect Mitt Romney.

Many voters were turned off by Romney’s religious affiliation as a Mormon, which no doubt contributed to his early exit as a Republican presidential contender. Many voters, though, do not truly understand the benefits of being a Mormon, especially when it comes to satisfying sexual desire and preventing political mishaps.

As Barack and Hillary continue in their stagnant battle for the Democratic nomination, many wonder who would stand the most realistic chance of opposing Republican John McCain. Well, what about that once-proclaimed religious wacko Mitt Romney? Romney should run as an Independent and focus his campaign around his Mormon loyalty. There is a great deal that Romney and the Mormon faith can bring to American politics, especially in the wake of recent sex scandals, namely polygamy. It’s apparent that politicians are not satisfied with their wives. The obvious solution is to give them more options.

The life of a major politician is extremely straining, especially on their sex life (or so I’m told). It is simply impossible to release daily urges when on the road all the time. Read any biography of a past president or politician, and they all stress the importance of masturbation to a stress-free political career. How can we expect politicians to be honest and free of corruption when they must go days, even weeks at a time without “getting some”? This problem can be solved as easily as the war in Iraq if we would just elect Mitt Romney.

The era of sexual frustration in politics may soon be over. Imagine how much controversy would have been avoided if Bill and Eliot had, say, five or even 10 wives to choose from. As president, Romney’s Mormon beliefs would bring relief and satisfaction to politicians nationwide. However, Romney is not a man who cares only about the elite. Polygamy will greatly change the lives of all Americans. Divorce rates have skyrocketed over the last decade, and the average American marriage simply does not work. Just ask Britney, Jennifer or Hillary. With multiple wives, there is no such thing as cheating!

All major problems in society today, and even in American history, can be traced to sexual frustration. Though he may not be a war veteran, would never have served as first lady and is no prolific orator, Romney has a certain sex appeal, both figuratively and literally, that he would bring to the presidency. If we elect Mitt Romney as president, politics and America as a whole will never be the same again. Voters are seeking change, and politicians are seeking pleasure. Truly, Romney equals a more satisfied America.