Most students took full advantage of this rare display of nice weather by having barbecues or just tanning outside in the grass (by the way, skunks and deer poop there). As summer makes its welcomed approach by raising temperatures and increasing amounts of sunlight, I begin to shiver. No, it’s not from crack cocaine or any other illicit drug — it is the fear of unemployment.
As a senior waiting to graduate in May, I have not been able to find a suitable job with my qualifications. I originally planned to attend grad school until I found out the costs. It was as if a small child gave me the middle finger … unbelievable. Now I am scrambling to find myself a job, but it turns out I’m not the only one. Many liberal arts students are struggling to find decent jobs and are even settling for employment outside of their field.
Of course, it is true that a bachelor’s in liberal arts is basically useless without a master’s or a Ph.D., but it would help if it wasn’t. I begin to see now why a major in political science will get me nowhere. Law school would have been the normal choice, except I would make a terrible lawyer or politician because I have a need to be honest.
So what is a senior supposed to do? It seems Harpur Academic Advising doesn’t know either.
The adviser I visited told me I may have to find a job outside of my field. She might as well have shrugged her shoulders and said, “You’re fucked.” It seems I will have to become like everyone else and rely on a friend or family member to recommend me. I haven’t taken a math course since freshman year, but if someone recommends me to be an accountant, I’ll wipe the dust off my TI-83 and get my ass a suit.
Some of my friends plan to take the summer off to travel and enjoy independence from academic obligations. I reminded them they need money for such expenses, which subsequently crushed their dreams.
So here is my advice for juniors who are to become seniors next year: start applying for jobs as soon as possible. January of next year is a good time to start, as it gives you plenty of time to apply to different companies and you may even be able to choose the best offer. It may also be in your interest to start dressing a little more adult-like, instead of going for that broke, hipster look. Also, lay off the alcohol. There’s no need to do a keg stand before a job interview (it is acceptable to do one after a bad interview, though). Stop your use of illicit drugs. Don’t worry, I’m not a snitch, but you do have to stop. Many companies drug test their current employees to make sure they are as miserable as possible.
On May 17, I will wear that ugly green graduation gown (possibly with nothing on underneath), walk up to the main stage, shake the president’s hand, grab my fake degree (real one’s in the mail), yell some sort of obscenity into the air as a celebration and calmly take my seat.
This may also be my final opinion column for Pipe Dream, which was gracious enough to let me write articles full of vulgar language and hopefully witty comments (with an attempt to sneak a sexual innuendo into each article). For that, I thank Pipe Dream for allowing me to voice my opinion without the fear of being reprimanded.
In the next few weeks, I will finally cross the milestone from being a college undergraduate to college graduate. It may seem like the only differences are that I will have a degree and lose the “under” from “graduate,” but it appears that’s exactly where I’m heading. Liberal arts majors, save me a spot on the unemployment line.