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May I ask just what in the hell’s going on here?

Right after the House of Representatives failed to pass the original $700 billion Wall Street bailout plan, Republican minority leaders came out and blamed Nancy Pelosi’s diatribe against President George W. Bush for injecting partisan rhetoric into the discussion and scaring away Republican votes. Immediately afterward, Democratic leaders spoke to the media and told the American people that their party had delivered the necessary votes and the failure rested on Republican shoulders.

I guess the question here is, “How angry is the House trying to make me this week?” Because if they’re trying to get me to jump around the room yelling, well, handshakes all around on a job well done.

I try to limit the amount I pick on Congressional Republicans because at this point it’s like shooting fish in a barrel … and all the fish are fighting to be shot first. But there are times when I can’t hold back anymore, and this is one of them.

Really, boys? You’re telling me that upwards of 100 Republicans voted “nay” because the Big Man was being, I don’t know, unfairly treated? Because the Speaker called him out on some terrible decisions? For me to believe that, I would need to believe that your party is simply chock-full of screeching man-children, selling votes for juice boxes, fighting over Lunchables and plastic shovels. And while that’s the best mental image I’ve had in days, I know it’s not true. There just wasn’t anything in Pelosi’s speech that can legitimately be blamed for the failure of the bill. You know what I think? People didn’t vote for it because they didn’t like it, or their constituents didn’t like it. Gee, what a novel concept.

Now Democrats are a little harder to pick on for me because they seem so forlorn and helpless, even when they control both chambers of Congress. And when they do go on the attack, they usually do it so badly that it’s kinda funny all by itself. Not this time.

Apparently the majority leaders believe that, since they got roughly 60 percent of their party to vote for the bill, Democrats had done enough. Guys! Listen! You failed! Try to follow along with me here. If it was your goal to pass a bill, and the bill didn’t pass … I wouldn’t say you’ve got too much to be proud about.

But let’s take another look at what is being said here. The Democrats say that they lived up to “their side of the bargain” by providing a majority vote and that the Republicans dropped the ball. The GOP, on the other hand, claims that the Democrats scared them away from the bill and are to blame for the delay in action. But both parties claim they’re not being partisan.

It’s like they’re baking a cake made out of pretentious bullshit.

Listen up. When you’re a politician and you want to be nonpartisan, that means you don’t pay attention to party. That means you reach across the aisle not because it looks good or makes a good talking point later, but because you honestly don’t care about aisles.

Don’t make party distinctions. There are people who agree with you and disagree with you, but you can always overcome those problems with enough thought and discussion. The real problem comes when you have people who care about country … versus people who care about party.

We can tell when you’re lying to us, Congress. Don’t start any shit right now, because we are most certainly not in the mood.