It’s an ungodly hour on Saturday morning. You’ve awaken from a drunken slumber, seemingly stranded and apparently naked. In a stranger’s bed, you’re snuggled up next to a random person.

Congratulations ‘ you got it in last night. It is time for you to join the Walk of Shame Club.

We’ve all seen those individuals the morning after looking hungover and disheveled, with clothes from the previous night still on their backs. It is nothing to be ashamed of, if you just take some simple steps to avoid making an already uncomfortable morning even more awkward.

You got laid, be proud.

First and foremost, do not wake up the passed-out companion, even though he will probably awaken anyway and feign slumber. If he offers to give you a ride back/cab money, brownie points for him. If the mongrel continues to doze, locate clothes that have been flung about the room.

You need to be swift and focused. But be forewarned because anything you leave behind will become bragging rights and shown to housemates.

This is an appropriate time for personality analysis ‘ judgement of posters, bed sheets and cleanliness of your new lover. You are allowed to be a superficial douchebag, you did just have a random hookup.

If the stranger does wake up, there’s a good chance you can borrow some clothes and avoid the most obvious evidence of a night of debauchery ‘ beer-stained, wrinkly going-out clothes.

Get your bed-head in order. Trashy sex hair is a dead giveaway. What you wore out, you wear home. Traipsing barefoot with your heels in your hands is trashy. You might as well brush your teeth with a bottle of jack.

If you’re escaping solo, without running into a housemate on your way out, take a souvenir. You earned it. A shirt, a hoodie ‘ the more creative the better. Yes, the large inflatable whale in the living room is fair game.

After locating an exit, it’s time to ride your way back to campus or walk back to your room. In the first case, call a cab to keep your shame between you and an anonymous townie. Depending on how far you wandered away from civilization, without a cab escort, you’re pretty much out of luck.

Your goal is ninja invisibility. Being seen depends on how early you resurrect from the evening. You will probably see dawn-treading gym-rats, who only want to get their swell on. In this case, they have no interest in you. They are hardcore and daydreaming of muscle milk. If you’re lucky you may even run into a fellow post-hookup survivor. Strength in numbers will diffuse embarrassment.

Remember that you’re in college, this is not mortifying.

So next time you have to walk shamefully back to your room, own your hookup with dignity. Embrace it with some confidence ‘ no one will look twice. Make it back to your room and proceed to pass out. Having survived, you’re free to repeat, if you so choose.