Modern dating is often condemned by Gen Z as too complicated, filled with instances of “micro-cheating” or proclaiming “if he wanted to, he would.” As the dating scene becomes riddled with technical terminology, a rise in therapy-speak has become widely popular when dissecting relationships.

Young adults have taken on the role of therapists, diagnosing themselves as different attachment types and explaining away failed flings with amateur psychological evaluations. Words that would typically only be spoken to you on a couch in a blank office are now filling comment sections and used as excuses for bad behavior in relationships.

A classic example of such usage comes from the popularization of “gaslighting” in recent years. The Merriam-Webster definition explains how it is “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories.” Usually, it fosters confusion, weakens self-esteem and mental stability and increases one’s dependency on the perpetrator. In terms of being a buzzword, gaslighting is used to describe lies within a relationship, whether it’s conflicted friends or sparring lovers.

Genuine gaslighting is psychological warfare, perpetuating false narratives and creating a distorted reality. The term originates from a 1938 stage play, “Gas Light,” where a husband repeatedly dims the house’s gas-powered lights and repeatedly denies the change to his wife, causing intense questioning of her own sanity. In today’s world, people also use gaslighting as a joke term and often even as an excuse for not remembering situations. How did such a serious tactic of emotional abuse become so watered down?

Therapy has become increasingly accessible, as the introduction of virtual appointments expanded the field significantly. Perhaps this is a factor in the newfound phenomenon of self-diagnosing, or assuming you have some medical or mental condition without visiting a doctor.

In terms of therapy speak, attachment styles have become popular attributions by self-diagnoses, especially when explaining away bad behavior. The most recognizable are “anxious attachment” and “avoidant attachment” styles. Anxious attachment is described by psychologists as a deep fear of rejection or abandonment, often heavily codependent on their partner or jealous. Avoidant attachment style is often associated with a fear of intimacy, a strong sense of independence and commitment issues.

These attachment styles are serious psychological issues that undermine a person’s ability to prosper in a relationship and often stem from their childhood. Attachment styles specifically stem from how primary caregivers treat children as they grow up, forming expectations from experience. It’s a developmental phenomenon, unearthed by psychological evaluation and the analysis of key childhood experiences. Not to say it’s a crime to resonate with the definitions, but the diagnosis is definitely deeper than being scared of relationships and unadding them on Snapchat.

As seen with these styles, giving something a name almost always makes it more real and powerful. From the “yearning” trend on social media, its more serious successor, “limerence,” has gained traction. Limerence is defined as an involuntary obsession with another, a desire to be desired rather than a desire to fall in love. It’s the love of the game, in modern terms.

On TikTok, users describe limerence as an all-consuming, incredibly obsessive crush. Though unhealthy, it’s become heavily romanticized. Users post about missing being in limerence, as if it’s a state of love. In reality, those experiencing limerence don’t usually aim for a loving relationship with the person they’re infatuated with. Rather, they value the uncertainty of the situation, the “will-they-won’t-they” factor.

While this is not a blanket statement, many people have become extremely comfortable self-diagnosing and labeling based simply on the idea that they resonate with a term. There’s been a disconnect between diagnoses and degrees, and some of these situations aren’t something you want to misunderstand.

My advice: if you feel like something is going on in your relationship that requires a psychological explanation, talk to a counselor. Don’t look it up on TikTok.