Over the break, I made some time to binge-watch a Sweden-based high school drama with my mom. In one episode, the main character goes to his boyfriend’s house, and, like in many high school dramas, a fade-to-black sex scene ensues. It was nothing too graphic, but nevertheless, I heard my mom express her horror at the scene. She said that it was wrong for them to do it in “his mother’s house, while she was cooking dinner for them,” as if by having sex he had betrayed his mother. I was taken aback by her comments and the idea that even the most liberal parents could have an attitude toward teenage sex that is so puritanical.

Here in the United States, the dominant attitudes toward teenage sexual behavior is “out of sight, out of mind.” Parents will do everything to ensure that they make it as difficult as possible for their children to have sex, such as restricting access to birth control and invading their child’s privacy. Rules that dictate that children must keep the door open if they have a partner over invade a child’s right to privacy. Most parents will not even allow their child’s boyfriend or girlfriend to sleep over. Even masturbation, an act with virtually zero risk of sexually transmitted infection (STI) contraction or pregnancy, tends to be frowned upon by parents. The tendency to treat sex as though it is a sin can lead to feelings of shame in teenagers, high STI transmission, high teen birth rates and the dissolution of trust between parents and children. In addition, parents have a preoccupying fear that teenagers, especially boys, are sex machines, ready to have sex at a moment’s notice, and need their parents to keep them in check. Americans are obsessed with sex to the point where they can’t fathom what two teenagers would do when left alone other than copulating, and believe that the desire to have sex is so strong that no rational thought of the potential consequences would take place before deciding to have sex.

The United States has one of the highest teen birth rates of similarly developed nations, with 16.7 births per 1,000 women between 15 and 19 years old as of 2019. There are many factors that contribute to this phenomenon, including lack of quality sex education and inability to access resources such as birth control. Both of these factors are linked to a general feeling among our society that teenagers having sex is inherently wrong, whether for religious reasons, moral reasons or a combination of both. Many efforts to institute quality, comprehensive sex education have been curtailed by parents arguing that their children would be “corrupted,” that it would inspire their child to have sex or similar arguments.

One method that many parents use to restrict teenagers’ ability to have sex is to restrict where the sex can take place — that is, not allowing it to happen in their own home. It’s common for parents to not allow their child’s partner to be in their bedroom, and if they do, they generally will require the door to remain open. In addition to basically asking their kids to have sex in the Walmart parking lot, rules such as these are direct attacks on a right to privacy. All children, no matter what, should be entitled to a space where they don’t fear another person walking in, going through their things or otherwise being a nuisance. In addition, not allowing a child to have privacy breaks their trust in the parent. If a parent is constantly monitoring their child’s most private moments, the child might no longer want to be involved with the parent.

Another method that parents use is to refuse their children the right to get the HPV vaccine, due to the assumption that their child does not have sex. In a 2016 survey, John Hopkins Medicine found that 30 percent of parents who chose not to immunize their daughters against HPV cited “lack of necessity” or “assumed not sexually active.” The survey found that fears that children would become sexually active after receiving the vaccine were not prevalent, but rather that some parents assumed their children didn’t need it because they didn’t have sex in the first place. While that may be true of some of the children, the parents had to have known that one day their child would likely have sex, and that it would be best to start the vaccine series before that day. Still, some parents would rather block out anything that reminds them that their children most likely will be, or are, sexually active.

Consensual sexual activity is natural and healthy — especially for adolescents. Everyone who wishes to deserves the ability to explore their sexuality in a manner of their choosing, whether or not that means waiting until marriage or waiting until you are in a committed relationship. All consensual sex, even hookups, is morally neutral, and no type of sex, whether it be between two people in love, between friends or between multiple people, is inherently better than another. It’s simply a matter of personal preference, and everyone deserves the ability to decide for themselves how they want to embody their sexuality without interference from their parents or from religious or societal norms.

Overall, American parents’ attitudes toward sexual activity in teens are partly responsible for high teen pregnancy rates and feelings of shame and resentment toward oneself or others for engaging in sexual activity. These feelings of shame can cause guilt and depression, and can make an individual less likely to seek help if they experience symptoms of an STI, sexual violence or another sexual complication. Methods used to ensure teenagers don’t have sex ultimately make them less safe, as they encourage risky behavior. Instead of teaching young people that having sex is shameful, disrespectful and harmful, parents should emphasize safe sex practices by giving their children access to contraceptives and STI prevention strategies, as well as teaching them that having sex, even before marriage or as an adolescent, is not morally wrong.

Deana Ridenhour is a sophomore double-majoring in history and philosophy, politics and law.