This year, Pipe Dream asked its sex survey respondents to share their funniest and most outrageous sex stories. We’ve heard some wild stuff. From falling off beds and awkward roommate run-ins to sex traditions with neighbors and damaged property, the responses did not disappoint.
Had sex in the car in a church parking lot. God Bless.
Once, I was having sex with my partner and we legit fell off the bed, which was a tiny twin bed in his dorm, while doing it doggy style. That hurt a lot and his roommate definitely heard the whole thing, so while we were cursing and untangling ourselves he just knocked on the door and was like, ”You guys okay?”
My suitemate knocked on my door as I was about to have sex (my door’s lock didn’t work). I told him “I’m fully erect, don’t come in.” He didn’t believe me, so he tried to push the door open, so I put my full weight behind the door to prevent his entrance. To deter his aggression, I sent him a dick pic of just my tip. Once he saw the picture, he stopped trying to come in.
Mid-afternoon anal sex on a beach on Xanax.
One time, when I was hooking up with someone from the bar, they started kissing me on their way down south. I was totally cool with it until they got to my belly button, where they proceeded to tongue it like a bagel hole. I let it happen, but anything they did thereafter was marred by the thought of my now wet belly button.
One time my boyfriend and I were having sex on his dad’s trailer, and the trailer was only 6 inches shorter than their whole garage. As it moved, it almost went through the wall and we had to roll off to force it to move in the backwards direction.
Fucked my friend with benefits (and current boyfriend) sophomore year in my dorm room with my blinds up and apparently you could see into my room from outside the window (my bed is right against the window) because my friend with benefits made prolonged eye contact with someone across the street while we were fucking.
I had a foursome with my ex and two best friends after finishing a whole box of Franzia.
While having sex with my girlfriend, I heard the guy that lives in the room next to mine having sex so I tried to be louder than he was. He started knocking on the wall the connects our two rooms and I knocked back. Whenever we are both having sex, we knock on the wall to say hello.
My partner and I are both RAs on campus. EVERY TIME WE GO TO HAVE SEX A RESIDENT KNOCKS ON OUR DOOR. One of us (normally me) ends up running into the bathroom naked while the other gets dressed and has to leave for a lockout or something. Biggest (and most annoying) interruption ever.
I fucked a Bing cop.
There was this one time an ex-girlfriend was going down on me, then she poured Mountain Dew on my phallic region and then continued to go down on me.
I once was having sex at my ex’s house (while we were together), and we were on her sofa downstairs. We were both under a blanket from the waist down. All of a sudden her family walks downstairs and sits on the couch next to us: her dad, mom and two older brothers. I was literally still inside their daughter and couldn’t move. They turned on Netflix and put Dexter on. I thought I was going to die (worst Netflix and chill ever). Soon, they left, and I was able to pull my pants up and breath again. The next time I went over, her parents were under the same blanket (my ex washed it, but still…).
A few years ago, we had gotten in trouble for drinking in the dorms, and we were pissed at the RD for making such a big deal out of it and putting people on probation. One night when my ex and I were horny and his roommate was in the room, we walked around the building and ended up finding the RD office unlocked. Part needing a place and part getting back at the RD, we had sex in the office.
You don’t know awkward if you haven’t stumbled into a gas station on a mission for lube.