When we get to college, we quickly realize that our initial notions of sex and relationships are far different from what they once were. We transition into an uncharted area with new expectations. Late nights at bars, frat parties and “walks of shame” all take place within the backdrop of a “hookup culture,” which revolves around alcohol, vague communication and rushed expectations.
For many, there seems to be an unspoken rule that sex is a given part of our college and social lives, interlaced within endless dining hall debriefs of our nights. Sexual exploration in college is natural, even expected. Still, as we navigate these experiences, we must ask what a healthy sexual culture actually looks like, because underneath these encounters lies a striking inequality: the orgasm gap.
As I’ve observed, the orgasm gap is most common in a heterosexual climate — especially in an encounter where a woman might technically say “yes” but still walks away feeling dissatisfied, unseen or even used. In heterosexual encounters, men are far more likely to orgasm than women.
A study on orgasm frequency published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 95 percent of heterosexual men reported usually or always orgasming during sex, compared to only 65 percent of heterosexual women. This yielded the lowest percentage and a notable disparity of pleasure among all gay, lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual men and women in the study.
The issue isn’t women’s bodies, the idea that they are “less sexual” or that they are inherently harder to please — common excuses used in arguments denying the orgasm gap — instead, the issue is deeply rooted in a culture that frames sex around men’s pleasure, essentially painting sex as something that is done solely for men.
To be clear, consent must always be the nonnegotiable baseline for sex. In its simplest form, consent means clear, enthusiastic and ongoing agreement between partners. Without it, sex is unsafe and unethical. But if that’s all we measure encounters by — just a yes or no — we risk ignoring a deeper conversation and face inequities that go unchallenged.
Consent ensures, at the bare minimum, a safe space. It gives us a clear line between a “yes” and a “no,” but it doesn’t tell us how to create an environment that is affirming, mutually pleasurable and respectful. This is where the orgasm gap becomes impossible to ignore.
From a neuroscience perspective, sexual activity is tied to the brain’s reward system. However, when encounters are one-sided or are not gratifying, the brain’s reward circuits respond differently.
Your brain becomes a reinforcing loop of dissatisfaction, especially for women who are conditioned to prioritize their partner’s experience over their own. The brain encodes vastly different lessons for men and women; men associate hookups with reward and satisfaction, while women may associate them with disappointment or even detachment.
In her research, social psychologist Grace Wetzel explains how “a cycle of orgasm inequality within relationships may be perpetuated when women who experience less frequent orgasms lower their desire and expectation for orgasm.” Over time, this imbalance not only shapes individual experiences but also entire norms around sex. If women are conditioned to expect less, they may stop advocating for more, further entrenching the cycle of sexual inequality.
This goes deeper into a sexual double standard that has shaped college culture for decades. Young women, as compared to their heterosexual male counterparts, face increased stigma or judgment for being sexually active. This double standard leaves women not only less likely to feel comfortable advocating for their own pleasure but also more open to internalizing the idea that sex is about performing rather than experiencing fulfillment.
Because of this, hookups are more likely to prioritize men’s pleasure, while women’s satisfaction is treated as optional or irrelevant.
A healthier campus culture won’t come from telling students not to hook up — hookup culture is here, and it’s here to stay. Change instead lies in making mutual pleasure part of the standard expectation, not an afterthought.
College is supposed to be a time of questioning, learning and redefining the way we see the world. That redefinition should extend to how we think about sex and, in tandem, treat sexual partners. Instead of accepting hookup culture as a dialogue where men’s pleasure dominates and women’s needs are sidelined, we must expect more: mutual respect, communication and a recognition that both partners deserve equal satisfaction.
By reframing sex around both pleasure and respect, we can begin to close the gaps and dismantle the double standards.
Aislinn Shrestha is a junior double-majoring in integrative neuroscience and speech and language pathology.
Views expressed in the opinions pages represent the opinions of the columnists. The only piece that represents the view of the Pipe Dream Editorial Board is the staff editorial.