Most people wouldn’t necessarily categorize Binghamton University as one of the most extravagant places to live out their four (or however long it’s taking them) years of college. But it is a whole lot better than the real world.
Sure, Binghamton doesn’t have the reputation of Harvard, or the sunshine, nightlife or general attractiveness of UMiami, but it’s middle-class students like us who are really determined to succeed (at least for the most part). Not only are we less at risk for skin cancer (fake ‘n’ bakes non-inclusive) because of our area’s generally miserable climate, but we’re not snobby rich kids who will most likely feed off their parents’ money supply like annoying parasites (snobby rich kids non-inclusive).
Even still, the world outside of our tiny bubble in which we will all at some point have to assimilate into is going to be difficult, if not impossible.
Unlike Binghamton, there are no office-hours or peer mentors to aid in your learning and care about your well-being. In the real world, nobody cares if you become a successful individual or if you fail miserably. The only one who will pretend to care about you will be the therapist you’ll pay $100 an hour to repeatedly blame Binghamton for your suffering.
In the “real world,” there won’t be anyone to provide you delicious meals of French dip with cheese sauce and smiley fries. You can’t sleep till noon, roll out of bed in the clothes you wore to the Rat the night before and trudge to the dining hall where you’re greeted by friendly Sodexho workers. Most likely, and unless you move back home or win the lottery, you’ll be rolling off an undersized egg crate on a filthy floor in your run-down apartment in a cracked-out neighborhood. Hopefully.
In the “real world,” there won’t be a cleaning service that scrubs your toilet, disinfects your shower floor and changes your toilet paper roll. No, instead, you’ll be one of the lucky ones if you even have a bathroom with a tub. Most of us will probably be using his neighbor’s hose.
In this “real world,” there is a good chance you may not have enough time to lead any kind of normal social life. Take advantage of the ice cream socials and free pizza parties at your residence hall. Free food will be hard to come by later on, unless of course you wind up in prison, in which case all meals are free. If worse comes to worst, commit a small crime (murder is unadvised). The selection will suck, but if you love your carbs and still want to slim down, it might be the right choice.
I hope I’ve enlightened many of you by pointing out the things we take for granted every day. Enjoy the rest of your time at Bing and remember, if any of you do win big, throw some of it my way. I can be reached through e-mail. And in five years, prison.