If you are like me, you are both flabbergasted and nauseated by the sight of Tim Tebow, never mind a Tim Tebow victory.

Since Tebow took over as Broncos quarterback, Denver has posted a 5-1 record, but how is this happening?

Tebow has only completed 65 of his 143 attempted passes. That’s 45 percent. This number is horrific in comparison to other quarterbacks with similar acclaim, such as Tom Brady, who has a 66 percent completion rate, or Drew Brees, who has a 71 percent completion rate this year.

In other words, Tebow is hardly an accurate thrower. If his job is to throw a football, which he can’t seem to do well, then what is giving him this competitive edge?

I set out to find an answer. I watched clips of his college career and clips of his professional career, but nothing made sense! Tim Tebow sucks.

So finally, Sunday, when I watched the Broncos win in overtime against the Chargers, I saw it! There it was! It had been beautiful and clear in front of my eyes the whole time.

It’s Christopher Lloyd and the other angels leading the Broncos to victory. Don’t you see them? Didn’t you see them lift Eric Decker to make that stupendous catch in the fourth quarter as the clock was running down? Are you telling me you don’t see the angels when you watch the game?!

They are there and they are real! Joseph–Gordon Levitt must have summoned them by flapping his hands before cheating death again in his new movie “50/50.” Oh, Joseph! If only his cast member opposite him in “10 Things I Hate About You” had the same kind of luck. Who was that anyway …

Anyway, it all seems so clear now. God is helping Tim Tebow win. That’s right, I said it. God is leading Tim Tebow to victory. It is clearly the only logical explanation.

That is why Tim Tebow is so open about loving Jesus and why he wears the chastity ring. Sex is for marriage. Don’t you Obama-loving college students read the Bible? I know Tebow does.

He used to write it on his eye black. Do you remember this quote from his college days? In a game against Florida International, Tebow used Romans 1:16: “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.”

Haven’t you heard of these Jews? You know them Jews for Jesus, I mean Tebow.

In fact, my friends and I have even developed a name for the miracle-making quarterback: “Jesus’ Son.”

So in other words, he’s the grandson of God. I know what you are thinking, but “Jesus’ Son” is in fact not an intentional reference to the Denis Johnson book nor the famous lyrics to “Heroine” by The Velvet Underground.

Although, perhaps there’s a reason why both the song and book reference recreational drug use.

Maybe one needs to indulge in such activities to understand such inspiring behaviors as “Tebowing”: The act of getting down on one knee and starting to pray, even though everyone else around you is doing something different.

Usually this involves putting the fist of God to one’s head. For further reference check out www.tebowing.com, and no, that is not a made-up website, nor a website I made.

Maybe I’ll bring my sick grandma to a Broncos game where Tebow can heal her with a sideline prayer.

Don’t roll your eyes and say that my advances in this article are distasteful. Rather, indulge in them — Tebow would.

And if you college students ever need As on any of those finals, just throw down a sweet Tebow. Or better yet, stop by the campus-wide Tebow flash-mob Dec. 11 at 3:33 pm in front of the Glenn G. Bartle Library.

Seriously! It’s that time of year …