For a very long time, I was stuck believing this notion that I had to be self-sufficient, and that asking for help was showing some sort of weakness. I hated asking for help, and I always tried to do everything by myself. For example, the summer before my freshman year of college, I broke my ankle in Europe. This meant I had to show up to freshman orientation on crutches and in a boot. Freshman orientation is a nerve-wracking time for everyone, and being temporarily handicapped made that anxiety ever more present. At first, I was very reluctant to ask for help, as when a new friend asked to carry my bag for me, I insisted I could do it myself. When I was offered a car to drive up to Mountainview College, I insisted I could do it on crutches. Toward the end of orientation, I came to realize I could not do it all by myself. It was a lot of walking, and I eventually asked for a wheelchair. While I did eventually get up to Mountainview College by myself, if I had asked for help earlier, it would have been a much easier experience. Our culture puts a lot of emphasis on independence, but while independence is a good trait to have, we must also understand that there are limits. Asking for help does not mean weakness but instead shows strength and the maturity to accept what you can and cannot do.
Not asking for help comes with several negative consequences both in people’s professional and personal lives. Being too self-sufficient can lead to lost “opportunities to exchange ideas, receive inspiration and deepen relationships,” according to Psychology Today. Failing to ask for help on homework, for example, not only robs the student of the opportunity to make a connection with a professor but also the opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of the material. Asking for help will make your life easier while providing opportunities for learning, growth, improved relationships and collaboration. While it is obviously hard to ask for help sometimes, there are so many benefits that can come from it. With some practice, it will become more natural.
There are different reasons why one might fail to ask for help as often as one should. One reason could be that people underestimate others’ willingness to help. They might think that their request is a burden on others when, in reality, people are much more willing to help than you think. According to social psychologist Heidi Grant, “studies show that even with perfect strangers, we tend to underestimate by about half how likely people are to help us. Not only that, but they give better quality help than we expect.” Another reason some might fail to ask for help is because they might have been rejected in the past. However, research shows that if someone failed to help you in the past, they are actually more likely to help you in the future than others are. Another interesting phenomenon occurs when asking for help from a large group of people, hoping that one will step up and help. This behavior is called the “diffusion of responsibility” because everyone believes someone else will help, thus failing to step up themselves. Asking a large group of people for help and getting no response is understandably frustrating but should not deter anyone from asking for help in the future. Instead, a better course of action is asking those people individually, as it was most likely not their intention to shy away from your request. In addition, we ourselves should try to work on volunteering help when we are a part of a big group.
As college students, this is the time when asking for help could be argued as the most important. We are now developing habits that will stay with us for the rest of our lives, and if we decide now that we are willing to ask for help, it could help us in the long run. Asking professors for help can provide a multitude of benefits, whether that be a better grade, better understanding of the material or a professional connection. Forming connections with professors has the ability to alter your college career and make it one that is significantly more meaningful. It could even open up further opportunities such as research or jobs. It is also important to rid ourselves of the notion that asking for help makes others perceive us as weak or stupid, because I know for a fact that professors love hearing from students and are often disappointed when no students show up to their office hours. There can only be positives that emerge from the simple act of asking for help, and I challenge you to start asking even when it is difficult at first. Asking a professor for help is a great way to further your academic pursuits, but asking other students for help is also beneficial. Asking other students can be a great way to not only possibly form a friendship but to also speak with someone your age. As a student, we should all be open to helping other students out, because at the end of the day, we understand what other students are going through more than a professor ever could.
Human beings like to help. We are social creatures by nature, and helping others helps fulfill some of our innate desires. An old Chinese saying states that, “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” Helping others not only makes that person happier but makes our lives happier as well. Some of the greatest thinkers have expressed similar notions. Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.” Saint Francis of Assisi says, “For it is in giving that we receive.” All of these quotes touch upon the fundamental desire of humans to help. Knowing that people want to help should finally help ease concerns about asking for the help we really need.
Eve Marks is a junior double-majoring in environmental studies and philosophy, politics and law.