She’ll wake up, get dressed for the day, look in the mirror and sigh. She’ll take off her shirt, and find another one that is assumed to be more flattering. Again, she’ll look in the mirror and sigh. After class, she’ll meet her friends behind the Starbucks booths in the Marketplace, where they’ll praise her on the individual she got with this weekend. They’ll laugh, and she’ll stare off.
It’s human nature to question who we are. We think one thing, and feel another. We might pride ourselves on our good grades and active minds, but at the end of the day, it’s easy to focus on what we want to change. Others might claim we are intelligent, beautiful and successful, but in our minds we are failures. Insecurities are natural, and very common and unfortunately there is not one method that will enable us to be rid of these insecurities. With that in mind, it’s important to recognize what will trigger these insecurities, and I believe indulging in sexual activities to find your confidence is one of them.
During sex, it’s not rare to hear “you’re so beautiful.” To know your eye contact is good enough to lure in a guy is flattering, and to use your body to provide yourself and others with pleasure is powerful, but it isn’t enough. People too often rely on those moments to enable themselves with the confidence they are searching for. It isn’t rare to be out at a bar, and see a friend who is feeling insecure about their physical attributes go out and find somebody to make out with, just to ensure they can. It isn’t rare to find your friend, who was crying earlier that night because they felt fat and unattractive, flirting with someone at the bar just to allow themselves to feel pretty.
Those moments are the moments that lack meaning. They are the moments that provide us with momentary confidence. Enough to keep the tears away, or to avoid squeezing our “love handles.”
This is not an argument suggesting that whoever lacks confidence should avoid any sexual activity. Rather, I’m saying that those searching for their confidence shouldn’t indulge in sexual experiences in hopes of finding their true confidence.
But why? Why isn’t it enough to utilize the power and compliments provided by others to guide us to identify the confidence we are deserving of? Because while it feels nice to feel understood and accepted by others, you are stuck with yourself 24/7. If you can’t recognize why others are deserving of you, the artificial confidence provided by others will quickly diminish, and soon you will continue that search again.