Welcome to Dear Jessica, where advice columnist Jessica Gutowitz offers suggestions to make your life better. Submit a question at bupipedream.com/advice and you could be featured in next week’s issue!
Toward the beginning of the semester, my friend and I started hanging out with another friend group. Within a few weeks, I started to like one of the guys in that group. In the beginning we would talk almost every day, but now we barely talk at all and there have been times he hasn’t responded to my texts. He knows I like him, but he hasn’t done anything about it and I have no clue how he feels about me. Here’s the biggest problem: He got out of a four-year relationship a few months ago, and as of one month ago, he told me that he is still working to get over it. I just want to know if we have a future or not, but I don’t want to be pushy and I don’t want to disregard his feelings and the fact that he’s getting over an ex. What should I do?
Thanks for writing in! It’s always difficult to gauge someone else’s feelings for you. In these situations, I think it is best to be direct and ask. You can spend weeks, maybe even months, pining after someone, only to find out that they weren’t interested all along, or you can simply ask and save yourself time and trouble. I would begin the conversation by acknowledging that you understand that he may need more time to get over his ex, but be sure to assert that you too have feelings and deserve to know whether or not they are warranted. If he is unable to empathize with your position, then maybe he’s not the guy you thought he was. This will likely be a difficult conversation to have, so I recommend planning some self-care for afterward, like maybe a walk in the Nature Preserve or lunch with a good friend, so that you have something to look forward to after and something to take your mind off of it if you get bad news. Good luck!
Although I’m in my junior year at Binghamton University now, I still have the same horrible weekend routine from my high school procrastination days. Once I’m done with class on Friday, I completely shut down and pretend like the mountains of homework I have just don’t exist until Sunday evening. This makes my Monday mornings even worse because I’m sleep-deprived after staying up all night trying to catch up. How can I break this habit?
Dear Procrastinating Perpetrator,
I think this is a common problem, and I have done this myself. Weekends should be for relaxation and fun, right? Alas, it’s near impossible to get all of our work done during the week, so you have to do at least a little over the weekend. I have found it helpful to block out particular times that will be scheduled specifically for homework. So, say, Friday afternoon after your last class you spend two hours getting a jump on your work, Saturday morning after breakfast you do three hours, and then Sunday evening you spend another three hours finishing up any homework and studying for any exams in the coming week. If you still can’t see yourself doing several hours straight of work, you might try working in intervals. Put your phone out of arm’s reach and do 25 solid minutes of work, then take a five-minute break, followed by 20 minutes of work and a 10-minute break. Hope this helps, and happy working!
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