Hey guys, it’s Pipe Dream. Today’s one of those days where we felt it was necessary to take a lighter spin on the news. Here are our thoughts on some wacky meteorology, entombed military paraphernalia and heirs to the throne of student government.

WHIMSICAL WEATHER

Never has Binghamton weather been so beautiful — and yet so deadly. Beautiful daytime sunlight has given way to torrential evening downpours, cacophonous thunder rolls and sky-panning lightning shows.

We’re excited that the Broome County weather gods are waxing creative. Springtime shouldn’t just be all sunshine and daisies. The transition from the harsh Upstate winter to the all-too-glorious days of Binghamton summer would feel almost empty without the occasional severe weather or flash flood warning.

Binghamton weather is legendary for its monotony. “Today’s forecast calls for gray skies, sub-freezing temperatures and persistently invasive winds,” they say. Day after day, week after week, month after month.

But this week, we had beauteous days and Earth-shattering nights. The incredible dichotomy of atmospheric condition made us, for once, genuinely excited to look out our windows.

CONFISCATED WEAPONS

The regular Pipe Dream adventure into the dungeons of the University Police Department’s fortress has once again yielded the lethal fruit that we have come to expect.

The students of Binghamton University have not failed us; they have found even greater ways to conceal, or not conceal, their killing instruments.

One student chose to hide his murderous nunchakus, the weapon of choice for Michelangelo of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fame, in plain sight — the last place they’d expect. Unfortunately, the would-be adolescent, nuclear-altered, assassin-amphibian was undone by a fire drill. For shame.

Another student took a different tack. He had a sword — sure, who wouldn’t — but the blade was sneakily sheathed in the camouflage of a walking cane. Sadly, police discovered the weapon, but only after the owner offered it up during a routine drug bust.

We promise that come this time next year, we’ll report back on shoulder-mounted trebuchets and solar-powered ninja stars that UPD finds in your room, as long as you provide them.

SA E-BOARD

Next year’s Student Association Executive Board is taking laps around the winner’s circle, and we congratulate them.

But our congratulations do not come without a healthy dose of trepidation. Apologies to this year’s E-Board, it’s nothing personal. We just know how these things go. You get excited, make some campaign promises, win an election and go into a new year with a lot of energy. But before long, the energy begins to dry up in the stale air of the SA office, and some of the projects you once championed somehow find themselves eclipsed by a growing stack of papers.

However, there’s one thing that’s going to be different next year that gives us hope: Dave Hagerbaumer. He’s the man.