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There comes a time each semester when Pipe Dream takes a moment to berate, and celebrate, those who make the news. It’s the spring 2011 report card.

STUDENT ASSOCIATION: D

More so than in most years, our student government’s achievements have been drowned out in the noise of conflict that has ranged from comical, to bizarre, to sinister. There were talented, smart, experienced people in charge this year. There’s no denying that. But their considerable energy was often directed toward creating, or performing damage control for, controversy. Shitty Welfare Group. The NYPIRG witch hunt. The overly ambitious, insider-driven, utterly bungled push for SA, Inc. And to the people who were not in charge, John and Jane Assembly Rep, we would have liked to see a little more spine when it came to standing up when it mattered.

PRESIDENTIAL SEARCH: A-

The Binghamton University Council organized a search process that was transparent and successful — until it wasn’t. Post-DeFleur, this school, for once, made an honest effort to make a big-time decision in an inclusive manner. The Council organized a search committee, found candidates, and brought them to campus to speak in front of students and faculty. Compared to a concurrent presidential search at SUNY-Buffalo, we were squeaky clean — UB didn’t have anything remotely resembling the public process we enjoyed. The BU Council, which risked much by opening up the process, still managed to attract candidates who they were excited about. Unfortunately, after months, the search process hit a SUNY-chancellor-sized roadblock.

NANCY ZIMPHER: D-

See, once the BU Council unanimously chose its final candidates, the list was passed to SUNY Chancellor Nancy Zimpher. She vetoed the BU Council’s finalists — negating months of work, leaving all money spent on the table, and loudly putting the kibosh on what had once been a transparent process. The Council, made up of local professionals, administrators, and public officials, is an administrative body that ostensibly has this school’s, and its students’, interests at heart. Zimpher doesn’t have that problem. Loyalty to Zimpher’s statewide agenda is the passport to a high administrative post. She claims that the process broke down due to a lack of communication, but she moved in lockstep with the BU Council until the 11th hour. What’s next? She has said that she loved the way the UB search process went — closed with a Zimpher-friendly result — so we’re not too keen on what that might mean for BU.

ADMINISTRATION: B-

All around, some of our friends in Couper have done some good. Interim Athletic Director Jim Norris is a trooper. He’s stuck by this University, he’s dealt with the aftermath of a basketball breakdown and helped to nurse the image of our athletics back to health. President C. Peter “Quick Draw” Magrath has also helped ground this University in some turbulent times. He’s made some important partnerships that will bring in some extra cash for the school and given a boost to our research programs. But it ends there. The liberal arts take an increasingly distant back seat, and the administration seems more concerned with keeping students in check than helping them succeed. Most of all, every administrator we’ve spoken with is resigned to the fact that SUNY will continue to be subject to increasingly severe budget cuts. It seems they’d rather use budget woes as an impetus to push through their package of legislative reforms than to actually defend SUNY’s worthiness of state funding.

QUICK HITS

City of Binghamton: D Cloudiest, fifth most depressing place, from sea to shining sea.

The Rathskellar Pub: A++ Goodnight, sweet prince.

Four Loko: A The sweet elixir of the old gods. BU’s short love affair with the Loko liquid was something we’ll never forget, but never remember.

Celebrity guest speakers: C Snooki, the guys from “Beerfest,” Mark Ruffalo, Adam Richman, Dr. Ruth. Not inspiring, but still a more esteemed crop than our commencement lineup.