I was trying desperately to come up with a topic for my first and only column that was not corny, overdone or lame. I have not succeeded.

I love Binghamton University. Maybe that’s a requirement for being a tour guide, or perhaps I just got lucky to get a job that fit me perfectly. I’ve loved the school ever since I first visited this campus on a rainy, windy, freezing day and told my mom I would enjoy myself here. Want further proof of masochistic tendencies? See: Pipe Dream.

Anyway, now I’ve been living here for the past four years, give or take, and graduation seems inconceivable. Do you remember when every year actually seemed like it took a long time, instead of zooming right past?

Even if it feels like I was hardly here at all, I am glad that I was able to take advantage of what the University has to offer. There are the obvious things, like all of my friends. I have been with this newspaper for so long, I dream about it. It’s been like having a second, unrelated, dysfunctional family. I’ll miss you all.

Then there’s Ultimate. I’ve gone through two different team names with this group, and I’ve discovered that Big Bear attracts possibly the nicest and most insane people at this University. Well done.

Then there’s other things, hidden secrets Binghamton is full of — if you just keep your eyes open. The complete silence of the Nature Preserve in the snow. The beauty of sunrise after an all-nighter, spent doing absolutely no work. The joy of playing pranks on housemates.

By the way, Matt, I left you that Valentine in the newspaper. Duh. I also broke into your room in order to lock you out.

I’ve walked the length of Main Street at 3 a.m. and stopped at Kennedy’s on the way. And while it may not technically be at Binghamton, I’ve been everywhere from Montreal to London to Greece with some of my best friends from BU.

Binghamton University has been great for so many things. It got me to love our basketball team, and then took it away in a whirlwind of drugs, debit card theft and old lady pushing.

Then I realized that our soccer games were more fun.

So much has happened since I’ve been here; some of it bad, most of it good. The classes I’ve taken over the past four years may have prepared me for a job. But it was everything outside the classroom that got me ready for real life.

I think so, anyway.

Yup, here’s the cliché part. Enjoy all the time you’ve got left here at Binghamton University. Try not to stress the small stuff, because it all ends up working out. Seek out new things, get out of your comfort zone.

Share a tower with friends at Tom & Marty’s. Go watch the Pappy Parker Players read out the texts from some poor kid’s cell. Listen to The Crosbys sing about Internet porn.

When there’s a power outage on campus on a Sunday night, follow a large group of students pretending to be zombies. Or do what my roommate did: Grab a Nerf gun and save the world.

And when you’re down on State Street, find the Sky Giant and get him to give you a piggy-back ride. He’ll do it if he’s drunk. And he’s definitely drunk.