Students are always digging themselves into a rut. There is constant complaining: “I’m tired,” “I have so much work to do,” “I have so much stuff on my mind.” Why don’t we say, “I’m grateful for the sleep I got,” “I’m thankful for my college education” and “I’m thankful that I have a brain capable of so much intellectual thought.” We live in a society of pessimism and people feeling sorry for themselves instead of realizing what they are truly struggling with. Fixating on the negatives of one’s life can only lead to more negativity. Drowning in your own sorrow will not fix anything. Everything will become coated in a layer of gray, and seeing the positives will no longer be possible.
There seems to be a mindset that people want others to feel sorry for them. As children, we are conditioned to receive affection and attention in the form of lavish praise. This then turns into children seeking attention in other forms. For example, many believe that being injured is cool — getting your cast signed, being waited on and having people fawn over you. Despite the separation from the miserable reality of being sick, the act of the sympathy received from over-exaggeration is appealing. College serves as a complete cold-turkey — a blank-slate experience from growing up in a culture that serves you whenever you call for it. You are on your own in college. If you get sick, you need to go to Decker Health Services yourself. If you are doing poorly in a class, you need to email your professor and go to his or her office hours. There is no hand-holding, no babying and no sympathy from others. You are your own responsibility.
I am not implying that the act of responsibility is inherently bad. However, the consequences of dealing with that responsibility in the wrong ways are bad indeed. Behavioral coping mechanisms come into play when one is not expressing their feelings and concerns in the proper ways. Some examples are eating disorders, self-harm, alcoholism, smoking, or any other choices. The issue arises when these choices become habitual and the individual deems them necessary. At this point, these choices have become behavioral coping mechanisms where the individual is putting himself or herself at risk.
If we have all of these issues over the correct ways of handling stress and responsibility, why is it so hard to see the solutions? They are available. More times than not, we get caught up in the storm of what we are battling in that moment and forget to find ways to deal with our inner anxiety, or whatever we may be feeling. Mindfulness, as I discussed in a previous article, is key to honing in on what one is feeling and avoiding these negative behavioral coping mechanisms. It is far more healthy to express what you are feeling than to hold it all in and to let it control you later. The reality is far from that ideal. All that one can do is complain when that individual has no motivation to change his or her prospective situation himself or herself. It is expected that others will fix your problems for you, but that is never the case. It is up to you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, find a way to deal with whatever is causing you distress and carry on.