As graduation (Doomsday) approaches, the possibility of my ultimate failure in the Real World becomes more and more daunting. But a recent chart-topping song by a one Miss Rebecca Black has uplifted my hopes about my future.
You know that song, “Christmas Shoes,” that they play every Christmas on the radio? The one that makes you cry every time you listen to it (admit it) and renews your Christmas spirit? Rebecca Black’s song is kind of like that in renewing my post-grad spirit, but with less heartache and more “fun, fun, fun, fun.” The voice of a child may be moving, but an auto-tuned pre-teen’s voice is just pure magic (at least that’s Ark Music Factory’s conviction).
Rebecca Black’s viral video “Friday” has given me hope not just for the weekend, but for all the days that come “afterwards” too. Because if someone like Rebecca Black can be successful in this world, surely then, there is hope for me.
“Friday” is an unfortunate result of parents with too much money to spare, and also poor musical inspirations such as T-Pain and the Black Eyed Peas. The singing is awful, and the lyrics, even worse. To top it off, the music video is not only horribly corny, but it is also entirely unrealistic. It’s quite frightening when you see 13-year-olds operating a motor vehicle. For your safety Rebecca, please do not get in the car, backseat or front seat.
Yet the video has close to 100 million views. Rebecca Black’s awesomely bad contribution to American music has shown me that success not only comes to the talented, but to those who aren’t very talented at all. Failure is success!
And the profitability of failure is not unique to just Rebecca Black and Ark Music Factory. Here’s another example: Charlie Sheen. He has cursed out his colleagues, his tour is doing terribly and he’s gone absolutely insane. Yet, there are rumors circulating that CBS and Sheen are in negotiations about rehiring him for “Two and a Half Men.” So when Charlie shouts that he’s “winning,” it’s actually not so crazy at all.
Yet another example: “Jersey Shore” cast members. Did you know that recently the salaries of the core group got upped to six figures per episode for Season 4? And they get to spend it in friggin’ Italy. How did they manage this? By having a blood alcohol content of above 0.1 at all times, getting arrested for public intoxication or punching, crying at least once per episode and overall just being failures in life.
So as the time is tickin’ on and on and the days left of my undergrad experience rush by, I am content about my future. For if all else fails, I can profit on my own failure — as long as it’s mass-fed to the media.
Of course, this has to be done discreetly. I can’t make it obvious that I meant to fail; I think part of the success of these stars is the sincerity of their failures. It’s kind of like “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” it’s always the unrehearsed videos that are funny, not the purposely-staged face plant. It has to be authentic.
But I have to admit, it’s going to be hard to do worse than, “Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards.”