In the recent release of the film “What’s Your Number?,” a girl played by Anna Faris desperately tries not to have sex with 20 people because she believes if she does, she’ll be single forever. Strangely enough, this is an actual dilemma for a lot of people I know.
The number of people someone has sex with always seems to define him/her as a person in ways I don’t understand. Have sex with more than, say, 10 people, and you run the risk of being known as loose, a whore or a floozy, as my mother and I would jokingly say.
Lately, though, I’ve been wondering why this happens, why a few nights of wanting to “get it in” can potentially ruin a reputation, and if it’s even right to judge people for that.
For example, one of my friends has had sex with seven, maybe eight men. This past summer she was talking to me about it, asking whether or not she should divulge such information to her new boyfriend, when her mother walked in and said, “Honey, I wouldn’t tell him that. He’ll probably leave you if you go telling him about all your sexual exploits.”
My friend’s mother is a wonderful woman, but sometimes she can be outspoken to a fault. This was one of those times. My friend then proceeded to freak out about just that, worrying that no man would ever want her if she kept sleeping with people.
While I attempted to talk her down from that, I realized that, to a certain extent, she did have a valid point. Many people feel uncomfortable if they find out their partner had slept around in the past. In fact, it can even destroy a relationship.
Ironically, it’s a contributing factor to the downfall of one of my relationships. My ex wasn’t exactly the most innocent person around, having sex for the first time in the eighth grade.
It made me really uncomfortable, and I questioned why my ex would do something like that. Looking back later, I knew that wasn’t the fairest thing to think, as there were plenty of things my ex didn’t even know about me at the time.
I don’t think passing judgment on a person for sex is particularly fair heading into a relationship, for guys and girls alike. Judging someone’s character by his/her various experiences and exploits in the bedroom immediately does them a disservice. You could walk away from the best thing that’s ever going to happen to you because you’re jealous of something nobody can change.
While the past can hurt, it’s the past, and as far as physical relationships go, it’s probably in the past for a reason. You might as well just get over it, because it isn’t going anywhere. The future, on the other hand, is something one can influence. If you want someone and that someone wants a future with you, maybe his/her “number” shouldn’t matter so much.
Sleep around if you want to — I’ve heard these are probably the best years to do it — and no matter who or what you decide to do, be safe. We still don’t need to see any students ending up on the “Maury” show.
Remember, if you can stand by your decisions, then one day you’ll probably find someone who is willing to stand by you.