Well, it’s somehow December already folks, which means it’s time to start thinking about holiday season wish lists. Here’s Pipe Dream’s list of pie-in-the-sky, won’t-happen gifts — Pipe Dream is secular and poor, so we figured we might as well wish big.
— A remodeled office
Can we get windows in our office? Our subterranean location would never allow for a line of sight to the sunshine this campus so rarely enjoys, but even just a view into the hallway would be nice. The claustrophobic, fluorescence-flooded nature of our workspace is … well, maddening.
Cell phone service would be nice too. Also, ceilings that don’t leak. And maybe knock down the wall with the Binghamton Review office and install a bathroom equipped with a shower for some of our less hygienic editors. We’re just spitballing here, but we spend a lot of time in this dank.
— A campus pub, once again
We need a place close by to take the edge off after a long day’s and night’s work. The old watering hole closed in 1998 and stood at the spot of the current package-pick-up shop below the Susquehanna Room in the Old University Union.
The campus pub was “a victim of a changing attitude toward drinking by the school’s administration fueled by a nationwide hike in the minimum drinking age,” according to Pipe Dream archives, but there’s a new administration in town and plenty of schools still boast an on-campus bar, even with a drinking age set nationally at 21.
Besides bringing students, staff and faculty together, a reborn campus pub would be a great way to draw upperclassmen into continuing to live on campus, as many administrators have told Pipe Dream they seek to do. We’ll even volunteer to run the joint, just give us the keys to the Dickinson Dining Hall. We’ll put the place back to work.
— And while we’re in Dickinson, an ice rink would be nice
Let’s do something with the Dickinson Amphitheater. The space provides nothing more than a place for us to trip as we stroll about campus. Binghamton is cold, often enough, so let’s break out the zambonis and turn the hole in the ground into an ice rink.
And it wouldn’t only be for recreational use. As long as you’ve got your skates handy, it could provide a swift shortcut to wherever you’re going. You know what they always say, ice is the best medicine.
— Just some handy dandy speedy sidewalks
Speaking of creating shortcuts on campus, we need more speedy sidewalks. Well, we just need a speedy sidewalk. If you don’t know what those are, imagine an escalator, but horizontal. Seriously, it does the walking for you.
— And let’s forget our nickname, maybe it’s time for an upgrade
Being the Bearcats is … alright, but here are a few ideas to liven things up: Binghamton Battlesnakes, Binghamton Billy Baldwins, Binghamton Botanists. Can’t go wrong with alliteration, and these all seem to work for us.
— Finally, we’ve gotta do something about our school motto
“From Breadth Through Depth to Perspective” would be adequate if anyone could pronounce it. Unfortunately, it isn’t and we can’t.
Our proposition: “Fly like a butterfly, Stenger like a bee.”