This is it: my final column in Pipe Dream.

If you are looking for your typical “OMG! Binghamton! State Street! Aaaah!” column, then I urge you to stop reading. In fact, I’ve found college nightlife to be quite repulsive for some time now. All the bars smell like urine. And shame.

Instead, I’ve decided that I will put my most recent thoughts about some of you onto paper and offer up some advice. You see, I know many of you much more intimately than you might have guessed.

For the past few years, I have been working at the University’s Call Center, meaning that I was trained to answer the phones for all the major offices, including admissions, financial aid, residential life and health services. Now some of you may think I’m just a phone monkey: a person who simply transfers phone calls. If only that were true.

Rather, I have spent much of my college career serving as your babysitter, therapist, spiritual guide and punching bag. Your parents have also had quite the go at me. Tell them that their bill is in the mail.

My time at the Call Center has taught me much about the minds of students and I must say, I am not impressed. Qualities like humility, courtesy and kindness seem to have disappeared and have been replaced with childish, selfish, rude behavior.

Don’t get me wrong: you aren’t all like this. In fact, most of you are fine. I’m just talking about a select few whose egos are so huge that they make everyone else look bad.

These people are lacking an important bit of knowledge that most of us have already caught on to: you are not special. Now, I know years of unranked school systems, kind words from mommy and everybody’s-a-winner soccer games have taught you otherwise, but life is full of harsh truths.

Here’s the scoop. We are all on a pretty level playing field. Sure, life’s not always fair. But hard work, determination and a little common sense can turn around any situation.

If you want to make something of yourself, then do it. Don’t blame the economy, your parents or immigrants for your failures. Your failures are yours alone, so hike up your big boy pants, and do something worthwhile.

Treat others with the same respect you would like to receive, regardless of whether it’s the CEO of a company you would like to work for or that homeless guy on the corner. You don’t deserve respect without earning it.

That being said, there are a few people I would like to thank. I have earned my degree through a mountain of hard work, and even though it wasn’t their responsibility, there have been many people who have made a point of helping me out along the way.

I would like to thank my parents for making me. Without your genes I would probably be a less awesome individual. I would also like to thank my sisters for always being my best friends. Thanks to you guys, I have no social skills whatsoever.

Last, but certainly not least, I would like to thank my boyfriend. Even on the cloudiest Binghamton days, he keeps the view great.

Stay wonderful, Binghamton.