It’s that time of year again. No, not the holidays — it’s lease-signing time. While moving into your first house or apartment is difficult enough, you may find yourself faced with an even harder decision — whether or not you should move in with your significant other.
In the past couple of decades, the “next step” of a committed relationship has become cohabitation. A study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found that over half of married couples between 1990 and 1994 had lived together before getting married. But how can you be sure that taking this step is the right thing to do?
“Having communication and having thorough conversations about what it is you are embarking on is very important,” Dr. Donald Glauber, a licensed staff psychologist at the Binghamton University Counseling Center, said. “Hopefully part of the goal is to get to know each other better and in other ways.”
Couples who decide to move in together for reasons other than strengthening the relationship, such as saving money in rent, will most likely have problems down the road.
“There will be many adjustments,” Glauber warned. But these adjustments can be good for the relationship, as it will strengthen bonds and allow you to get to know your partner better, he said.
Many times cohabitation can make or break the relationship, but it can be a good way to test it and see if it would be wise to take the next step — marriage. However, no matter how prepared you think you are, you will most likely end up working harder than expected.
“When a person is around you 24/7, or as much time as your siblings or parents have been around you, they will potentially see things that not even you have noticed about yourself,” Glauber said.
Dan, a senior sociology major, began dating his current girlfriend after they were already living together along with four other people. They have been dating for 10 months.
“It was definitely a change for us, but at the time we moved in, we had been good friends for a long time,” Dan said. “I was already used to being her housemate, the weird part was going from housemate to couple.”
One of the most important concerns Dan had with dating his housemate was how it would affect the other people they were living with.
“You definitely need to be courteous of your housemates because you don’t want any conflict affecting them, which can happen very easily,” he said. “If we weren’t getting along, they would definitely notice.”
Another thing to be conscious of is that not everything is going to end up your way. All relationships are about compromise, but after you move in with each other, this compromise becomes even more exacerbated.
Glauber suggests going into the experience with open eyes and viewing it as a learning experience. Once you are in the situation for an extended period of time, you may need to ask yourself if the relationship is worth it. However, don’t expect it to be argument-free.
According to an askmen.com article, cons of moving in together can be plentiful. Cleanliness, sleeping habits and loss of personal space can result in discord in the relationship.
“It’s going to involve a lot of conflict — don’t waste time trying to prevent it,” Glauber said. “You can conflict in a way that is respectful.”
When you are living together, conflict can seem to occur more often, but this is because you are put into a situation where you cannot ignore it. Letting your significant other know how you feel is very important, and you should use it as something to learn from.
“Conflict is, at its best, the honest emotional exchange between two healthy growing personalities who are using the relationship as one of the ways in which they are growing and learning about themselves,” Glauber said. “In every conflict, you’re both wrong and you’re both right in some respect, and you need to figure out what you are both not seeing.”