Last week, I got on the bus I’d been waiting nearly half an hour for and was kicked off as quickly as I got on. Because I showed the bus driver an ID from last year (as I’d taken my current one out of my wallet for a test), he told me he would not drive me to my home at “students only” University Plaza.

After making a scene, I stomped off the bus and called a friend to pick me up. There I sat, waiting, defeated, on a stoop, in the cold and filth, while cars splashed water on me … and blood. I, what do you know, got to thinking about sex — sexual frustration in particular, which I decided to attribute to the bus driver’s state of asshole-ness.

While I surmised the driver hasn’t been getting any from his wife lately, I also realized that sexual frustration could explain many things that puzzle me about the male sex. Like why they always insist on starting fights Downtown, why they punch holes in the wall when they miss a beer pong cup or why they insist on popping their collars (I mean, what else could be the reason?).

It also helped explain a phenomenon that’s been going on with a friend of mine, who, after breaking up with his girlfriend of a year, often can be found passed out drunk on his bed surrounded by pizza crusts and empty cartons of ice cream. I mean, come on man, I used to think that only happened to broken-hearted little girls.

Yes, sexual frustration is a serious issue that not only increases aggression, weight and holes in the wall, but becomes a lifestyle trend that is only perpetuated when that particular state makes men unlayable.

This past weekend, all the sexually frustrated men I’d been thinking about since my “bus incident” could be found in one place: The Rat. A bar that sucks as it is, but sucked even more because of the arrival of the “Girls Gone Wild” TV crew.

As I descended the steps into hell, hoping to see a couple of “girls with low self-esteem” showing off for skeevy cameramen, all I noticed amid the mirage of striped baby blue and white dress shirts were guys with cell phone cameras ready, loitering around for the chance to see a boob. As I left, I remember thinking that the only thing more pathetic were the guys that actually buy, and jerk off to, the videos.

Sexual frustration: if you’re a lucky guy with a head on his shoulders, a mature personality and the ability to talk to a girl instead of watching her from a distance, it might never happen to you. However, if you find yourself often angry, popped-collared, slightly perverted and alone in your bed at night, it already has.