Have you ever encountered the homeless-looking guy in army fatigues with a Dumbledore-esque beard rolling down State Street in a wheelchair on a Saturday night? Well, if the city of Binghamton had its say, most of us college kids would be pitching up cardboard boxes next to him, instead of living in houses in the area.

The zoning laws of the city of Binghamton used to be a mere background noise in my everyday life — I knew about them, but I didn’t really care, nor did they really affect my daily activity. That is, until the house I planned to live in next year fell under the contemptuous gaze of the city of Binghamton. My suite mates and I found ourselves searching for a house after the on-campus housing deposit deadline had already passed.

Binghamton zoning laws require that, in R-1 zones, any unrelated individuals living in a house in the area must meet the “functional family equivalent” criteria, or else they can be evicted. The criteria includes registering your cars to your house in Binghamton, registering to vote in Broome County and having one person pay all the bills under his or her name.

The evictions are complaint-driven, and the more complaints the town receives, the more likely they are to take action.

If you or your housemates can fly under the radar and not piss anyone off, you’ll probably be allowed to stay in the house. If you do anything to piss off your neighbors, they may immediately call the city, then start checking the registration of the vehicles parked on your property, your voting registration, etc.

Why is the city of Binghamton so adamant about getting rid of us? Sure, a lot of college houses have parties, and drunken kids wander around outside, puking into bushes and punching each other in the face. But if you took us out of the equation, a lot of townies would still have parties and wander around outside, puking into bushes and punching each other in the face. This isn’t a phenomenon unique to college students.

Let’s be honest here; Binghamton isn’t exactly Laguna Beach.

Most houses are shabby and rundown — some of them are even closed off as if under quarantine — and the stores include the uber-sketchy Kennedy Fried Chicken. The R-1 area includes most of Beethoven Street, which is a quaint residential area that reminds me of my hometown.

So, of course, the city of Binghamton wants us college kids to stay away from the safe parts of town and venture into the shabbiness that surrounds Main Street. Friends of mine who reside in the areas the city of Binghamton has so generously let us live in without harassment have told me tales of gunshots, stabbings, car break-ins and creepy men patrolling up and down the streets.

This is where the people of Binghamton would prefer the youth of America to live.

The last time I checked, Binghamton University and its students contribute greatly to the economy (beer at Wal-Mart?) and the nightlife (line at The Rat?). Why is everyone shunning us as if we were the plague of the town?

I think that the people of Binghamton need to take a look inward and ask themselves this: Are the kids who maintained a 90-and-above average in high school truly the real threat to Binghamton?