Shit happens

SEPT. 2, 3:11 a.m. — The Harpur’s Ferry campus ambulance service responded to a call for help for an intoxicated female in Newing’s Delaware Hall. When volunteers and Binghamton’s New York State University Police arrived, they found the 19-year-old “covered with brown marks on her body and clothes.” A “strong odor of feces” accompanied the female — and the ambulance crew — to Binghamton General Hospital, a police report says. “I hope this serves an example so people don’t get to that point [of intoxication],” said Investigator Matt Rossie of the University police. The origins of the fecal matter remained a mystery as this paper went to print.

I can’t hear you now

SEPT. 4, 10 p.m. — A 19-year-old male resident of Hinman’s Cleveland Hall reported that his cellular phone had been stolen from the building’s lounge. The student said that he had left the device, a Verizon flip-style phone, in the lounge, and when he returned to pick it up it was missing. Police have no suspects.

I left them in my other car …?

SEPT. 5, 8:57 p.m. — Twenty-two-year-old Mwata A. Brown, a BU student who resides in Binghamton, was pulled over on Bunn Hill Road for misaligned headlights. A background check showed that he was driving an unregistered, uninsured vehicle — without a license. Brown was charged on all counts and is scheduled to appear in Vestal Town Court on Sept. 19 at 5:30 p.m.