Lock:

New York Jets (-3.5) over SAN FRANCISCO: Note to the Jets: Way to F up last week — the Pats and Dolphins are on your trail. The AFC East is going to come down to the wire. Before last week’s fiasco, I’d have said this game is a sure win for the Jets, but with the 49ers’ away win over Buffalo, I’m not so sure. At this point, the 49ers can kiss their chance at the playoffs goodbye. Arizona will probably lock up with NFC West division title this week. In the words of Tony Bennett, “I left my heart in San Francisco.” Hopefully, I don’t have to leave mine there and the Jets come away with the W.

DENVER (-9) over Kansas City: Predicting the outcome of a Broncos game is like predicting the outcome of a Yankee-Red Sox game or ALCS series between the two — you really don’t know how it will end. Oy vey, the bad memories of 2004. Denver handily beat the Jets in New York last week, but got the crap kicked out of them against Oakland … Oakland … seriously? The Broncos boggle my mind sometimes. Jay Cutler can be quite amazing … when he wants to be. Denver offense versus Kansas City defense equals the “Sh*t Show of the Week.” Calculate that. Finally, why the hell would anyone pick KC … ever?

CHICAGO (-6.5) over Jacksonville: Here’s a matchup between QBs. While the Jaguars’ David Garrard has been stellar with a 63.6 completion percentage, it will clearly not be enough to overcome Lance Briggs and the rest of the Bears’ defensive line. Book it.

BALTIMORE (-5) over Washington: Technically, this is an away game for Washington — their fans are a 40-mile ride away. Anyway, Washington lost three of their last four games, while Baltimore won six of their last seven. Add the fact that the Redskins’ Clinton Portis is out with neck, knee and hip injuries. But one thing that frustrates me about Baltimore is the city’s motto: “The Greatest City in America.” My @$$ — New York is the best.