I remember in freshman year I roomed in a corridor style dorm with someone who wasn’t Chinese and I felt that I had to hide cultural items, like certain foods. Some of the more authentic Asian foods have a distinct smell, like kimchi or ramen noodles, and I assumed my roommate would be grossed out. I was afraid that she was going to talk behind my back about how I stunk up the place, which would cause a rift between us.

It killed me; literally, it killed me, because I starved.

I got sick of dining hall food quickly and craved for rice and fish and herbal soup. I yearned for Chinese food. Hence, whenever I returned from home I tried to bring back as much food as I could, but I waited until my roommate was out of the room to eat it. I was sneaking around eating Chinese food — eating what I usually ate at home. It made me feel like I was on a diet and I was creeping around eating cake and chocolate. I was ashamed.

There was a time, the following year, where I was offering a rice cracker to someone I was acquainted with and he said, “What’s that smell? That’s disgusting.” It was only a rice cracker! He is from a town that is ethnically lacking, but I was offended. Why do I have to hide what I enjoy, what’s part of my culture?

Food is one of the many things I’m cautious with. Another example is Asian music. To me, Asian music is very sappy and has a completely different sound than American music. How can I play Chinese rap when Jay-Z is being played next door? I know I would get comments from individuals who are less sensitive to other’s feelings. I’m scared that blunt people, who don’t like the quality of Asian music, will insult it, causing me to give up playing Asian songs.

Then, finally, there’s the language issue. I do get annoyed when I hear a group of people speaking in a language that I do or don’t understand, because sometimes language is used as a form of exclusion. However, I can understand if people speak in their language often because they may not be fluent in English. For me, certain things can be described in Chinese phrases that don’t seem to exist in English; some meanings are difficult to translate. If something significantly strikes me, I want to feel that I can express it. I don’t mean to exclude; it’s actually a way for me to communicate myself better, to be understood better.

Of course, there are students who are open to these things and I’m grateful, because I feel that I don’t have to be so careful around them or to have to worry about their negative opinion of me or of my culture.

Due to their support, I’m more open eating Asian foods now, and I even take pride in it. I’ve been offering congee and roasted eel to my suite mates — fried rice is too typical — and they tried it, and even liked it.

I want to learn about and appreciate other people’s cultures, so others should have the same courtesy.