Over the course of my life, I have often had the misfortune to find myself engaged in activities that do not interest me. More often than not, these activities fall under the general heading ‘physical activity.’

I make it my business to avoid all forms of motion-intensive activities on the principle that the amount of note-taking I do is sufficient to counteract my eating habits. I tell myself this because it is necessary to ensure my continued happiness.

After enduring ‘presidential’ fitness tests and running the mile year after year, I saw my ascent into the Ivory Tower as the ultimate escape from the locker rooms and yet another day of ‘project adventure.’

Upon my graduation from high school, I did a stunning interpretive routine to the tune of ‘We’re Not Gonna Take It’ by Twisted Sister to celebrate my freedom from the oppression of my laziness. I came to Binghamton University and was disconsolate to discover that students are required to take two credits of gym to graduate.

After my attempts to soften the physically-fit hearts of the University through creative medical disorders such as ‘better things to do-itis’ and ‘more interesting classes to take-ius’ failed, I returned to the drawing board. One fine summer day, I aimlessly picked up the University’s official packet on hazing. It was at that moment that I made a remarkable discovery.

Under the guidelines provided by the University, it would appear that forcing me to participate in its physical activity classes could be classified as hazing.

It was difficult to contain my excitement, so I indulged in a few musical-worthy dance moves before reading on.

The first bullet reads as follows: ‘Forced or required participation in physical activities such as calisthenics, exercises, games or ‘make-work’ activity.’ I’ll refrain from suggesting the implications of this policy toward homework in general and focus merely on the required S, Y and/or B credits.

Other key examples of hazing include situations that could be easily identified in any sporting endeavor. Some highlights include ‘forced or required conduct that would embarrass or negatively affect the dignity of the individual,’ and ‘participation in or creation of situations that cause psychological harm or substantial emotional strain.’

I am by no means willing to take gym, thus, mandated participation falls nicely into the category ‘forced.’ Anyone who has seen me attempt to participate in a sport is well aware that it is injurious to my dignity and causes me terrific emotional strain.

It is with this deep-seated concern for the well-being of my fellow students, and myself, that I plead with the University to remove its gym requirement. For the love of all that is educational, improve the quality of your students’ lives with free gym memberships, not gym classes.