Graduating college is kind of like getting fired from a really sweet job.
In fact, college is probably the best job you’ll ever have. Staring down the barrel of graduation all year has led me to appreciate just how good college life is, and just how much the real world is going to suck. Now, as a graduated senior, in between getting over the trauma of realizing that I’m going to have to find somewhere else to find $3 pitchers of beer every Tuesday, it has become apparent that it’s worse than I could have ever managed.
In college the work hours vary and even then, showing up is optional most of the time. Dress code isn’t really all that much of an issue and neither is general hygiene (although your friends/roommate might encourage it). Hell, the laundry is even free on campus, though it seems like people don’t take advantage quite as often as they should.
The pay scale is also a little bit different than a normal job. It’s less performance-based and more based on how often your parents are willing to send a check. But even if your parents are a little bit on the stingy side, don’t worry — your expenses essentially amount to beer (you are 21, right?), cab rides to get beer and food after the bars stop selling you beer.
(Oh, and books. I hear you may need to buy books at some point.)
Vacation days are better than you’ll ever get again, at about four and a half months a year, or one month off for every three months of school. Enjoy it now, because once you start a real job you can kiss stuff like spring break and the summer goodbye.
You also get as many sick days as you need, and Health Services can cover most of your day-to-day illnesses and injuries (though for anything more severe than a cold you’re better off going to a walk-in clinic). Health Services is good for condoms, Band-Aids, and Plan B (parents, don’t worry, I’m sure your kids will never need 2 out of 3).
The best part is that there is absolutely no problem with staying out late doing whatever you want, however many days a week you want to (again, 21, right?). In fact, I’m pretty sure that college is the only point in your life where no will will hand you an AA booklet if you’re drunk before the sun goes down slightly more often than once every couple of months.
Now that I am living at home again for the summer, there is all this talk about from my parents about “getting a job” and “putting the beer down because it’s breakfast” and “pants being on before 4 p.m.” Sheesh, can’t they give me a little time to adjust? I’m barely a month out and already I long for the carefree, pants-optional days, where my best friends were never farther than the other end of the hallway and I always had someone to play Xbox with (and by Xbox I mean beer pong).
Don’t worry parents, I’m positive that your kids will still take advantage of the academic opportunities at Binghamton University (well, at least 75% sure).
So kids, enjoy whatever time you have left here at BU, because from where I’m sitting, the minute that they hand you that diploma and kick you out the door, it’s all downhill from there.