The hipster is a rare specimen here at Binghamton University, but it’s an increasingly prevalent species of Bearcat.

You have to feel for them ‘ imagine having to cope with the dull grays of a post-industrial city while dodging hordes of Strong Islanders and Dirty Jersey out-of-staters.

Take a look at the typical day of Thad, a resident hipster dealing with broism in Newing College. See how he copes with Broome County’s suffocatingly typical suburbia.

Morning

Wakes up to birds chirping and construction ‘ alarm clocks are mainstream.

Pops open the MacBook Pro, checks out www.hipsterrunoff.com. According to Carles, Icelandic chillwave is on the rise.

Downloads Best Coast new album, orders Wavves vinyl and posts some obscure lyrics onto blog. Indie cred: secure.

Brushes teeth with Tom’s Natural Toothpaste. Puts on Urban Outfitters flannel, vintage skinny jeans, non-prescription Ray Bans and Dr. Martens. Saves American Apparel V-neck, corduroys and argyle socks for Thursday ‘ it’s the most hip day of the week.

Contemplates shaving scruff, but doesn’t. Has to preserve image of apathy and grungy aesthetic.

Packs Moleskine, Zune and organic, gluten-free granola in his shoulder satchel for the trip to Bartle.

Drinks some black coffee, breakfast is so 90s. Talks down to Sodexo workers about fair trade coffee and recycling.

Midday

Time for Existentialism in Philosophy lecture.

Decides to get an ironic scalene triangle tattoo later this week. Only true alts will understand its depth of meaning.

Leaves early to smoke cloves, loiters outside of library. Puts on scarf, starts to sweat.

Eats at Susquehanna Room, Binghamton Food Co-op is closed. Takes picture of food.

Enjoys moped ride and fisheye lens photography. Used to own a fixie bike ‘ in 2009. Inadequate moped parking.

Afternoon

Time for Cinema class, today’s topic post is Modern Movement ‘ hipstergasm. Nothing new or underground, back to self-loathing. Puts on cardigan.

Notices other students sleeping in class. No appreciation for arts and subculture.

Public meditation in between Dickinson Community and New University Union. Then freestyle on the mandolin, stares of passersby only increase feelings of awesomeness.

Reads old copy of Vice magazine, can’t even buy the newest copy here.

Sticks to raw veganism at the dining hall, even though Sodexo is a conformist brand.

Evening

Hears from a friend that Animal Collective was playing in a store at Oakdale Mall. Burns all records of them, inane corporate drones.

Watches Jason Schwartzman movie again, snacks on quinoa.

Buys Andy Warhol poster on www.etsy.com, but it won’t ship to BU Box.

Hits up the Belmar for some Pabst Blue Ribbon. Looks unamused. Wishes he was at Cyber Caf√É© West

Moped back to campus after an uneventful and generic evening.

Elitist bedtime ‘ 2:39 a.m.