Maybe it’s the costumes or maybe it’s the dangerous blend of sugar high and alcohol-fueled low standards, but somehow, college students transform on Halloween. Not simply into drunken messes, but into different creatures altogether. Whether it’s at a pre-game, a house party or the bathroom of JT’s, you’re sure to run into one of these monsters.
The Vampire — These monsters are one of the hardest to spot, often lurking in a dark corner of the party, searching for their prey. Once vampires spot a subject caught up in shaking her ass and watching herself, they’ll emerge and join her, only to leave unsightly markings on her neck and face. The embarrassing evidence of the skin-sucking will leave clear signs of the attack to the rest of the world for days to come. To ward them away, rub garlic on your body like a frat boy rubbing his junk up on a freshman. Drink of choice: Bloody Mary.
Frankenstein — Frankenstein monsters are past their substance limit and, for the better part of the night, will be weaving their way down Court Street in an almost impressively balletic manner. Except one more sip of Four Loko and Svedka might tip them past the point of no return, literally. They will be disoriented and are capable of mood swings, from irrationally angry to sad that their parents don’t like them. Drink of choice: none, you’ve had enough.
Werewolf — During the daytime, these students seem normal, pleasant and easygoing. But when the moon comes out, they transform. This once-kind individual is now the most obnoxious person you’ll wish you never met. The telltale signs of these monsters are fist-bumping homeless people, jestfully shouting P!nk lyrics but getting way too into it (why do you know all the words to “Raise Your Glass”?), starting fights with strangers and initiating a post-game with themselves when they get home. They’re probably also disturbingly patriotic. Drink of choice: anything.
Mummy — On Halloween, everyone puts on a costume and pretends to be something they’re not. Some people’s costume is “happy.” These are the mummies. After one too many Jolly Rancher shots, these monsters will begin to unravel, revealing way too much about their personal lives that they keep pent up by the light of day. Topics range from that weird summer at their family lake house to declaring the majority of Downtown, Boscov’s mannequins included, as their “best friends.” Drink of choice: Scorpion Bowl.
Ghost — Friends become separated during Halloweekend parties. The ghost is that one friend with whom you made plans, pre-gamed and took a cab — only to have him vanish upon arrival at a party, not to be seen until the next morning. When you do reunite, he will have the craziest stories he won’t want you to know about. Just like you, with that summer at your lakehouse. Drink of choice: Absinthe.
After three wild, hilarious and slightly depressing nights of getting decked out to do the same thing you’ve been doing every weekend since freshman year, we will all inevitably transform into a single archetype of monster: the zombie. Symptoms of this transformation include sluggishness, paleness and an inability to communicate coherently. Drink of choice: Sodexo coffee.