Deep down inside all of us lies a desire to connect with our primal nature. That means getting down and dirty in the Nature Preserve. But there are some precautionary measures you should take before you jump in to the bushes with your boo. Pipe Dream is here to help guide you as you get in touch with your wild side.

1. Find someplace secluded — It’s really awkward being caught in the act by a group of College-in-the-Woods kids who are just looking for a place to smoke. Getting caught by a University Police officer who’s out looking for those CIW kids is even worse. Scope out some good spots during the daytime; avoid crowded places such as the bridge and that weird tree by the lake where the aforementioned stoners sit and get all existential.

2. Know how to identify poison ivy — Three leaves, let them be, or they’ll really hurt your pee-pee. Poison ivy is quite common in the Nature Preserve, and the absolute worst thing you can do for yourself is roll around naked in it. Trust us.

3. Incorporate nature — Trees are like Mother Nature’s own sex furniture. Don’t be afraid to lean against a firm, large red oak when you’re doing the dirty. Maybe make a cozy, romantic lean-to out of sticks. Just don’t harm any of the smaller trees or plants in the process.

4. Leave no trace — Be respectful to the environment and to other students: Pick up your garbage. If you leave a used condom in the leaves, someone or something is bound to find it, be it a squirrel foraging for food or a little child wandering around during a hike. Think of the critters. Think of the kids.

5. Check for ticks — You’re not the only one who’s trying to “do the do” out in the Nature Preserve. Now that the weather’s warm, ticks are horny and hungry, and you’re their ticket to them getting fed and laid. Unless you want a potentially debilitating disease, you and your squeeze should check each other thoroughly for ticks after your Nature Preserve romp session. Keep in mind that ticks love warm, dark places. Maybe you’ll get lucky again.