Photo Illustration by Tamar Ashdot-Bari/Contributing Photographer

Parade Day is one of those few glorious times of the year when it’s socially permissible, if not socially praiseworthy, to spend the entire day in a drunken stupor accompanied by all of your friends. Perhaps the least productive day on the academic calendar, Parade Day is a shameless sacrifice of sobriety that promises crazy and relentless fun. When the streets of Binghamton come alive, you don’t know who you’ll run into. With this in mind, it’s important to remember that no amount of alcohol justifies acting like a jerk.

The city of Binghamton may not be the nicest place in the world. It might not even be the second nicest, but it’s still home to a community. While the prospects of breaking the seal mean you might have to go every 10 minutes, it’s never okay to piss in the streets. Make it into a bar. Alternatively, you could also try the basement bathroom of Boscov’s — it’s a real lifesaver. Speaking of bodily fluids, if you’re prone to barfing, keep a plastic shopping bag stuffed in your pocket.

Amidst the party scene, people generate a lot of garbage. Empty handles, beer bottles and red solo cups galore. Remember that the little triangle on the bottom of each of these containers means that they can be recycled. While it’s probably the last thing on your mind while you’re ambling about Downtown, recycling empty bottles and cans is an easy way to get green while you’re getting wasted. Furthermore, make sure that garbage gets into a trash can. Just because you’re trashed doesn’t mean everything else needs to be. Cleaner streets mean prettier streets: Don’t contribute to urban decay.

For those who live on campus or are coming from across the river, please, please, please don’t drink and drive. The good people of OCCT have given up their Parade Day to make sure that everyone reaches their destinations safely. If you can’t wait, catch a cab. There are sober people out there to get you from point A to point B, so there’s no need to put people’s lives at risk. If you’re getting drunk, keep the keys out of the ignition.

Remember, some people are there for the actual parade. It may not seem like much to college students, but the parade is a time of excitement and fun for people of all ages, even children. So as you’re walking, remember everyone around you can hear you much better than you can hear yourself. Kids don’t need to hear about who you just banged, who you’re going to bang or even who you want to bang. They’re just kids, and they’re an impressionable bunch, so try to limit the F-bombs to only the most dire of circumstances.

Rules can be a drag, nobody wants to be told what to do and Parade Day is supposed to be a day of uninhibited fun. But by making sure that you’re being the best drunk you can possibly be, you’ll make your day, and everybody else’s day, infinitely more enjoyable. Unless you’re the type of person who particularly enjoys public urination, littering, drunk driving and scaring children, these are probably the types of activities you’d shy away from while sober. So why not keep it that way when you’re drunk?

Oh, and one last piece of advice. Know your limits. It’s ritual to start drinking at breakfast, but don’t wear yourself out too early. Getting drunk at the parade is fun, but going to the bars for part two is so much better.