Whether they were searching for true love, a hookup or just shits and giggles, every media-conscious individual has probably dabbled in the world of Tinder — a free, location-based dating app that’s become famous enough to make “swipe left” a meme.
Norms and tropes have emerged amongst Tinder’s users that reveal extraordinary qualities of humanity, and while those tropes obviously exist regardless of gender, we’re going to focus on the strange and wonderful creature that is the average Tinder male.
The Man with the Fish
This has been by far the most popular of the Tinder profile pictures we’ve encountered, and it’s just that: A man holding a fish. Is it a sort of cultural offering? Is he trying to prove something? We will never know.
The Water Skier
Maybe these guys want to show you how spontaneous, outdoorsy and athletic they are, or maybe they just want to covertly show off their abs. Wet AND wild, huh ladies?
The Anchorman Scholar
We get it. You are very important. You have many leather-bound books and your apartment smells like rich mahogany.
The Hunter/Bang for Your Buck
Like the man holding the fish, he thinks his sexual allure will be enhanced tenfold by the dead carcass of a large deer. But did you see the size of his rifle?
The Harem/Party Boy
He’s surrounded by hot girls in every single picture. Every. Single. One. His description reads “Lifting and Partying 4 Life.” He listens to EDM, and looks like a steroidal baked potato. If you swipe right, he’ll immediately demand your Kik and Snapchat. Probably to send you cute puppy pics, right?
The Puppy Baiter
He’s not cute, but his puppy is. You can see a future with this puppy, filled with warmth and cuddles, but then you remember the less-than-savory guy who will mostly likely come attached to your fluffy object of desire … you’ll pass. It’s probably not even his dog.
“The baby’s not mine that’s my nephew lol”
Like the puppy baiter, but worse. He’s using other people’s babies in his attempt to get laid. But clearly if this guy can handle a small child then it’s safe to meet up with him at the Rat for drinks on Friday, right?
The Blatant Rebounder
This profile is essentially an album of a happy couple. No, they’re not looking for a third. The guy got dumped and the only pictures he has of himself are with his ex-girlfriend, who may or may not be strategically cropped out.
The Thousand-Yard Stare
All it says under his picture is “msg me 4 more info,” but you don’t need to do that to know one thing for certain: This dude has seen some shit. We don’t know if the orb of light beside him in the picture is the flash of the camera in a mirror or him being abducted by aliens. Or maybe they were just setting him back on Earth. Either way, his clothes are unkempt, he hasn’t shaved in a while, he’s in a public bathroom and the vacuous glazed look in his eyes looks deeper than the void of space.
The “There’s no one new around you.”
You’re going to die alone.