Halloween is over and Parade Day isn’t until March, so we have to fill the freezing nights with our own homespun outrageous booze fests. Sure, there are always mixers and frat parties to attend, but it’s time to bring it home. Throw the blowout that will have your friends struggling to figure out, “Who puked in the aquarium?” and “Where has my housemate’s visiting sister been for the last three days?” While there are many ways to throw a house party, there is only one way to throw a great one. Here are the guidelines to hosting your own epic bash.

1. Don’t charge people — While it’s understandable that you’d want to charge some of your guests for the alcohol you supply, you’re inviting people into your home, not your club. People won’t come if they have to pay five bucks at the door — they can just go to a frat for that. Plus, it breaches the principles of friendconomics. The next time you need your friend to spot you at Rolando’s, he won’t be so charitable, and it’ll be your fault.

2. Supply quality alcohol — It’s totally fine if you have a BYOB policy, but you should still provide. Kegs are fine because they’re cheap, but be sure to have other drinks as well. We’re not talking about amping it up with Ketel One; it’s as simple as throwing a few handles of Nikolai into a bucket with some red shit. If you want a variety, have options of vodka, rum or even Franzia. Note: Don’t make guests uncomfortable by yelling at them for drinking alcohol that’s left out — if it’s not labeled, it’s up for grabs.

3. Invites — Using a Facebook event is a great way to invite all of your friends who have Facebook accounts (you can just text those three people who don’t). It’s important that you don’t just invite your close friend group and a few others you know — those always end up being awkward. You need to have a diverse mix of people. Also, for every friend you invite, expect that at least two other people will come with them.

4. Deck it out — Clean up your house. Seriously. But find the balance between “Nice enough to have people over” and “Is this person a serial killer?” If your house is too gross, everyone will (rightly) think you’re gross and use that as an excuse to trash your house with reckless abandon, then leave after finishing your alcohol. Also, try out some decorations. Note: Laser beams always impress people.

5. Great DJ or party playlist — Music is key. Bands are great, but they’re for smaller, more niche audiences. Like Release. Not every DJ is actually good, so make sure to check out their SoundCloud beforehand. You don’t want 12 different remixes to “What Does the Fox Say?” Play what’s relevant and good for drunken dancing: Miley is out, Lorde is in.

6. Themes — Themes are always fun, just don’t do something that’s too overdone, like “Tour de Franzia.”

7. Separation of spaces — There should be a comfortable spot for every guest. This means an adequate pong area for hard-core players, a couch area for those who just want to schmooze and smoke, a dance area for those who came to party and a hallway for people to wait on line for the bathroom.

8. Fully stocked bathroom — This isn’t a frat. Have an abundance of toilet paper, clean hand towels and soap. If you’ve had any recent medical procedures, make sure you take your Vicodin out of the medicine cabinet. Or leave it. College!